It may seem like my Carnival 2k9 dreams are whittling away. After a quiet 2k8 filled with anxious envy, anger and guilt I made plans that 2k9 was NOT missing me. Regardless of what. I had already said that I would be on a huge saving binge for costumes, plane tickets, fete tickets. I was going to make sure that I didn't miss the greatest show on earth again.

I am a carnival baby. Not born in November but attached to carnival like it was my mother. I love from one carnival to the next. The one time everyone knows that I am in full form is the periods leading up to the season and in the season itself. I had already rallied up the troupes. Being the ultimate planner that I am, or as my friend says, the ultimate Bosser, I had already started a "group" so that we could decide on things, organized 2 options for accommodations already, was already asking around about someone for transport and making a list of fetes to hit and NOT hit. Planning was in full swing.

But I'm not sure if it's going to happen this time. And a part of me is disappointed. That was the one thing I know would free me of everything that may be holding me back. If just for a week. I would be fully engrossed in getting things ready that everything else (but my school work) would just be shoved in the back for another time. I would be on a high that nothing or no one would be able to take me off of. With the cost of gas though, ticket prices would be killer, costume prices already high would be higher. Fete tickets? Oh my gosh!!

Plus I'm leaning towards making a big trip next year after I finish with my degree. A trip to celebrate my year of stress and hard work and a release before I hopefully step into my master's program. My first option was to head to Japan. They have the best technological fairs and it would be totally something new for me to explore. Plus I love Asian food, I might find an Asian sugar daddy to cook for me, lol. My other option is to head to France for 2 weeks. Well not just France but also it's environs. I've never been to that part of the world and have always wanted to venture to that side.

The cost of doing carnival and an option is not possible and I need to choose. I've played mas for the past 4 years and it doesn't change. The costumes may but the experience is basically the same. So if I miss it this year and make it back the next year it's still there. Time for new experiences you don't think?

But Carnival isn't the only dream that may be fluttering for me. 2009 promised to hold some life changing moments that I don't think will be happening anytime soon if at all. Strange!