There are instances where you really know the people who are in your life. The ones that step up, sometimes in place of the people who suppose to step in. Those that regardless of what make sure that they step correct. Without some of those people I may not be writing this message this morning. I'm surely appreciative of my friends this morning for stepping up when I truly needed it. Life is a weird thing yes. So this song is dedicated to today and for going into a new week.
And I have decided that I am doing the extra effort to take care of myself. Everybody else has been doing it, what's wrong with me. I start today.
Have a great day folks!
And I have decided that I am doing the extra effort to take care of myself. Everybody else has been doing it, what's wrong with me. I start today.
Have a great day folks!
Since I've been back in Miami it has been much of a roller coaster ride for me. I came back here with expectations that didn't happen as I hoped it would have. It was quite a blow and is something I have been dealing with day by day since then. In all the hoopla I was very concerned about loosing who I was and becoming something or someone I surely didn't want to be. I loved who I was before and it was really hard for me to see that I seemed to be becoming something else and something I didn't like.
I was pleasantly surprised this week when I was contacted by a good friend of mine who has over the years supported me through some of my own dilemmas as I have supported them through theirs. We met while I was in college over 1oo miles away from where my mother sent me to study. Lol. And it was friends at first sight. We started a classic relationship that by miracles and some kind of pixie dust met up in Miami a few years after and having the same affiliations surprisingly with no planning from us. This is one person who I can say understands Renee and who she is and what she has to offer and respects Renee (why am I talkin about myself in the third person? lol) And I trully appreciate that from them. They got and appreciated both the good sides (the fun loving, travel loving, food, family side) and the bad sides (sick, angry, disappointed side) and I think that's what made us be friends to this level till this time.
Anyways it's funny what makes people appreciate what's in their life. You never know when things can happen that can change your life forever. Over the past few months that has been reiterated heavily in my life. I lost my Uncle earlier in the year, then a friend later and my cousin not a few weeks ago, all suddenly. In between those sessions there have also been deaths of associates, also suddenly.
Now I have never once questioned the feelings for this friendship. Outsiders easily saw that the camraderie there could not be broken. Yesterday said friend was moved to shock over an incident that as a result moved me to almost tears and a few minutes of joy. Our relationship is close to brutal, you know the ones where the third person isn't too sure if to step in to stop the war or that "they just playing"? Thats what we have. So when the conversation was started with just a plain, calm "Hi" my instant reaction was "what happen?" Then I was told about this motorcylce accident that happened. Where people were outside hanging out and this girl and her friend were trying out her new bike. The guy was attempting to show how fast it could go, all the while everybody is just chilling and watching, when they ran into a truck and both were decapitated on the spot. In less than 5 minutes it turned from a lime outside to death. Death!! Comes at some weird times. Anyway friend decided today to let me know that we never know what can happen when and they just needed me to know that they love me and appreciated everything that I have done and who I am. And didn't want it to ever happen that I never heard it from them, even though I may know it.
So by now you're probably wondering what the two have to do with each other right? This feeling of dispair I have and friend's verbal expression of love. I felt so happy hearing that yesterday because I realised that I have not lost who I was. And that I am still appreciated by the people who know who I am. That some people value me for what I'm worth. Where I was questioning if I trully had lost Renee, here was someone who still saw the Renee that I thought I had lost. And I was happy. Not soon after saying that though it was back to the same abusive behaviour that has defined our relationship for the past almost 8 years.
Reflections allow people to see the folks who are important to them. Some people need to reflect more. But it is sometimes too late when reflections take place. Take this time to tell the people you love that you love them and appreciate them and love them. Take the time because you never know when your 5 minutes might change.
I was pleasantly surprised this week when I was contacted by a good friend of mine who has over the years supported me through some of my own dilemmas as I have supported them through theirs. We met while I was in college over 1oo miles away from where my mother sent me to study. Lol. And it was friends at first sight. We started a classic relationship that by miracles and some kind of pixie dust met up in Miami a few years after and having the same affiliations surprisingly with no planning from us. This is one person who I can say understands Renee and who she is and what she has to offer and respects Renee (why am I talkin about myself in the third person? lol) And I trully appreciate that from them. They got and appreciated both the good sides (the fun loving, travel loving, food, family side) and the bad sides (sick, angry, disappointed side) and I think that's what made us be friends to this level till this time.
Anyways it's funny what makes people appreciate what's in their life. You never know when things can happen that can change your life forever. Over the past few months that has been reiterated heavily in my life. I lost my Uncle earlier in the year, then a friend later and my cousin not a few weeks ago, all suddenly. In between those sessions there have also been deaths of associates, also suddenly.
Now I have never once questioned the feelings for this friendship. Outsiders easily saw that the camraderie there could not be broken. Yesterday said friend was moved to shock over an incident that as a result moved me to almost tears and a few minutes of joy. Our relationship is close to brutal, you know the ones where the third person isn't too sure if to step in to stop the war or that "they just playing"? Thats what we have. So when the conversation was started with just a plain, calm "Hi" my instant reaction was "what happen?" Then I was told about this motorcylce accident that happened. Where people were outside hanging out and this girl and her friend were trying out her new bike. The guy was attempting to show how fast it could go, all the while everybody is just chilling and watching, when they ran into a truck and both were decapitated on the spot. In less than 5 minutes it turned from a lime outside to death. Death!! Comes at some weird times. Anyway friend decided today to let me know that we never know what can happen when and they just needed me to know that they love me and appreciated everything that I have done and who I am. And didn't want it to ever happen that I never heard it from them, even though I may know it.
So by now you're probably wondering what the two have to do with each other right? This feeling of dispair I have and friend's verbal expression of love. I felt so happy hearing that yesterday because I realised that I have not lost who I was. And that I am still appreciated by the people who know who I am. That some people value me for what I'm worth. Where I was questioning if I trully had lost Renee, here was someone who still saw the Renee that I thought I had lost. And I was happy. Not soon after saying that though it was back to the same abusive behaviour that has defined our relationship for the past almost 8 years.
Reflections allow people to see the folks who are important to them. Some people need to reflect more. But it is sometimes too late when reflections take place. Take this time to tell the people you love that you love them and appreciate them and love them. Take the time because you never know when your 5 minutes might change.
Today I had all intentions of coming to talk about the things that I have been up to. But the wind was quickly knocked out of me at 7am this morning when I went to facebook to send a message to a friend and someone had posted on her wall R.I.P. Confused I called another friend whose phone went to voicemail so I proceeded to call another friend who very calmly and matter of factly stated that "she Dead". At that time I was pissed. Pissed that I had not contacted Carissa when I was suppose to. Pissed that this other person just matter of factly said she dead like it wasnt a loss. I proceeded to call her aunt and found out that indeed she was killed in a Freak accident last night.
It's amazing how things can change in less than a second. Finished working at her summer job, this SGU student and her boyfriend were out. He lost control of the vehicle and ran into a pole. They came out and informed family what happened and was waiting. Another car coming from the opposite direction passed and the wires from the pole were ran over and it got into contact with the couple sending male into a tree and Carissa to heaven. :(
I met Carissa when she was still a student at Bishop's High School and a member of my dance company's junior group. She would annoy the HELL out of me. Slow and unsure of her serlf and her body, she wasnt one of the best dancers but that wasn't what got me upset with her. Carissa would just allow people to do her what they want. She was a bit shy, laid back and unassuming. But she was then 15 years old. Now at 18 and fully enjoying life with her school mates in Grenada, her boyfriend and her friends here. She was excited about everything that was to pass. Had all her nights planned out for the holidays. Was working and felt like an adult. Carissa had finally found herself and was quickly taken away. No one's fault. Though her grandmother insists that she was hard of hearing and should have been heading home, doesn't mean that her life would have been speared. In fact it was initially with that first accident.
R.I.P babygirl. I am happy that you were finally enjoying life. That you found yourself. You had struggles as a kid that not every kid has had to endure and you pushed through them and became an amazing, fun loving, hardworkingm encouraging, promising young lady. And I know you are now looking down on us with that big smile.
Today is trully a sad day for those who interacted with you. A loss that has most of us in total shock. But you are in a better place. I pray for guidance and strength for your family on friends left on this earth to mourn their loss.
R.I.P Carissa James!!
I think my vacation is up. Well I doh think, it is eh. I have about 3 days to go. But besides the time being up I think people are just about ready for me to be out. Yunno that with some people you can't be around them too long. You kinda start to feel like you over staying yuh welcome. Things can function well for say, 3 weeks, then it starts being too much and everything causes something? After that people need a break from me. To regroup I guess. Get me out their system to attempt to take me back for another 3 weeks?
Well I seem to have that trait. After a few days, weeks, months the fights set in. Arguments here, comments there. It happens with everyone. Friends, Boy friends, family. I really question what it is is about me that causes it. I really do. As I was telling Nessa this morning, sometimes I really have to sit and wonder how people really see me and what I do. No matter how I try to do good, it seems to turn to sap. I seem to do something that causes a situation when all I was trying to do was do good.
Sigh. My time is up!!
Sigh. My time is up!!
My family made sure that we had a lot of these. They ensured that they created moments that we would remember and cherish for the rest of our lives. I assumed everyone had the same experience.
I remember our trips to Barbados with all the cousins and aunts. Trips to New Jersey. Our round the island trips packing everyone into the land rover with food and floating devices to spend the day. Our trips to Trinidad to shop for Christmas, for tennis tournaments, for dance classes. All or most fun times that were created and shaped who I am today. I assumed everyone had the same experience.
As I got older I started to create my own memories. I wanted to be able to sit back later and say oh remember when we did this? Laugh at "oh doh forget when we went to...". And I was able to for the most part. My tennis team in my early teens we created some great memories that we still talk about. Sliding on the terazzo with water and someone ending up in the hospital. Eating the nasty food from Petrotrin's Mess and getting food poisoning.
My dance buddies and I have an enormous vault of memories. Experiencing the Coup and staying right opposite the barracks in Long Circular. Being in port of spain and a vagrant taking away one of the girls drink. Rofl. Convincing a taxi on Charlotte Street to take 8 of us in his car to drop us off in Barataria. Missing a flight and our bags already on. Trips to St Vincent. Carnival memories in Port Of Spain. Dancing in stupid costumes. Falls, splits, tears, laughs.
My college friends. Road trips, Binges. House parties, Shopping trips. Cute boys, Not so cute boys. Stalkers. Bad break ups! Laughs, tears, depressions.
Memories with Boyfriends. Dinners, dates, movies, shopping trips, long nights, quiet nights, break ups. Boyfriends ending up in the hospital after attempting to cook and they got burnt. Walks on the beach. Bedrooms filled with candles
But memories are something that I want to continue making for myself and not just waiting to see what happens. So as I sit and reminisce today, here's to all the things that I have experienced and thank you to all the people who made them possible.
As I got older I started to create my own memories. I wanted to be able to sit back later and say oh remember when we did this? Laugh at "oh doh forget when we went to...". And I was able to for the most part. My tennis team in my early teens we created some great memories that we still talk about. Sliding on the terazzo with water and someone ending up in the hospital. Eating the nasty food from Petrotrin's Mess and getting food poisoning.
My dance buddies and I have an enormous vault of memories. Experiencing the Coup and staying right opposite the barracks in Long Circular. Being in port of spain and a vagrant taking away one of the girls drink. Rofl. Convincing a taxi on Charlotte Street to take 8 of us in his car to drop us off in Barataria. Missing a flight and our bags already on. Trips to St Vincent. Carnival memories in Port Of Spain. Dancing in stupid costumes. Falls, splits, tears, laughs.
My college friends. Road trips, Binges. House parties, Shopping trips. Cute boys, Not so cute boys. Stalkers. Bad break ups! Laughs, tears, depressions.
Memories with Boyfriends. Dinners, dates, movies, shopping trips, long nights, quiet nights, break ups. Boyfriends ending up in the hospital after attempting to cook and they got burnt. Walks on the beach. Bedrooms filled with candles
Things that I will hold in my mind for ever. Some good some bad. Some that will stand out more than others. Some that I will cherish for ever and some that I will rather quickly forget.
So when I interact with some people and they can't remember having done this or interested in doing that. Don't have any recollection of anything being done I sometimes wonder. Was it that they just didn't have a chance to do things, things weren't very memorable for them or that they just didn't care?
So when I interact with some people and they can't remember having done this or interested in doing that. Don't have any recollection of anything being done I sometimes wonder. Was it that they just didn't have a chance to do things, things weren't very memorable for them or that they just didn't care?
But memories are something that I want to continue making for myself and not just waiting to see what happens. So as I sit and reminisce today, here's to all the things that I have experienced and thank you to all the people who made them possible.
I sometimes wonder if I am a plus or a minus in people's lives. Some I think I am a plus others I think doesnt matter either way. Sometimes I wish I could walk out of some people's and see what their reactions would be. If they would realise that I do bring some dynamics to their lives that they truly need. Not that I want to think that people NEED me. But that they appreciate me being there.
I've felt unappreciated in people's lives before. And I left. And later when we rekindled they showed greater appreciation for me being there. But why does it have to become "lack of" for them to appreciate? Why take people for granted. And not everyone may be lucky enough to be rekindled with an friend or loved one to then show appreciation.
But I really wonder sometimes what is my worth to others and if loosing me would be worth it.
I've felt unappreciated in people's lives before. And I left. And later when we rekindled they showed greater appreciation for me being there. But why does it have to become "lack of" for them to appreciate? Why take people for granted. And not everyone may be lucky enough to be rekindled with an friend or loved one to then show appreciation.
But I really wonder sometimes what is my worth to others and if loosing me would be worth it.
Yesterday was a good day. I decided I was getting out of the house and have fun and I did. It was a really good day. I rallied up the girls and we headed out to have lunch. Jemma's was a good move. The drive up allowed those who hadn't venture on that side for a while a good view of what's going on. The review of lunch can be read here.After lunch and snacks for some we headed back down to "town" stopping to hang at a friends house for a little while before. We decided that the beach was the next option so to Store Bay we went. As we broke onto the top we were attacked by renters. "Baby yuh want a chair?" "Baby yuh go need ah umbrella" "Baby we does tek card yunno" Ah ok. After a fight between sugar lips and another man we eventually got 2 chairs at a discount and an umbrella. The water was goood and cold. The beach was filled though with some people looking like they were there all day. We didn't stay to long though. About an hour. The sun was HOT and having just eaten sleep was becoming the main mission.
We left the beach with all intentions to head out for drinks later, ha! I had some tea at about 11pm when I woke up. Lol.
I am now well tanned. No one can ask me if i'm bleaching anymore.
Yuh ever so upset and confused is like you bite yuh tongue and it full ah blood? Well me neither till now. I cannot remember the last time i have gotten so upset, or hurt, or upset? Or Both? I was upset this morning, I got up went to church hoping yunno, but I am still upset. I think i have a headache and all. And I trying to see where this came from really. Steups. Imma now go put on my swimsuit and go drive around and eat out today. I need some release and food eaten at a restaurant always does that for me. Lol... well food ... anyway. Lmao. So let's hope I get this mood out of my system by the time I get back home.
The thing is I don't even know what is to be resloved to try and resolve it. So that means I don't know what the next move is so that means it's just going to be, I am sure, days of uncertainty. I certain I am pissed though. Steups. I tell you I think I blight yes. I best go Castara and get a bath!
Dear Folks,
Today I have decided that enough is enough. I cannot go on like this anymore and I have decided to get this out to you. I have sent this "letter" to the people who are important to me and my life. I have also sent this to the people who have me as an important person in their life. I have also sent this to the persons who treat me like crap but profess that I am important in their life. These groups have some people doubling up. :)
The buck stops here on June 21st 2008. I am, as of now, not going to willingly allow any of you to make me feel like I am not important. I have been, by some of you at varying points, made to feel like I am not good enough. Some of you have even been very disrespectful to me. Some of you are not appreciative of the person I am, have been to you or will be to you. (Well as of now if you not then I not bothering with you anyway).
I have not been anything but caring and truthful and encouraging to my folks. For some I have bent over backwards. Was willing to put my life and my life savings on the line for some. Some whom have quickly forgotten those things. When you were stuck between a wall and a hard place, and no other friends were around to help you, I was the one running blood to help. I should have also casted a blind eye huh? Because now those friends seem to be more important to some.
Some of you seem to not respect the relationship we have spent years to build just to get some. I guess that is more important to you some.
Some have been all but loving and encouraging to me. Have helped me through the tough times, and I know will continue to. To those some I love you and thank you! You are greatly needed in my life to help guide me as best as I can.
So on this day I ask that if you fall into any of the "negative" categories that you can either step away from me. Loose all contact. It's ok. We're probably not meant to be friends, lovers, family. For those who may want to make some adjustments with our relationship now is the time to do it. You need to let me know though because you just might be a part of my "cleansing" and may be cut off and you're trying to adjust. Adjusting time wont be a long time though. So you may still adjust and be cleansed. :)
Have a blessed day!!!
Renz
I'm truly frustrated. Have been experiencing inner turmoil for sometime now. And I think I have gotten to the point where I am about to explode. This morning I wrote about 3 pages of my frustration and I wasn't done yet. When I saw the length I realized that truly I wasn't happy with where or who I was at this point in my life. Why? I think because I made the mistake in leaving some aspects of my life in the hands of some people who probably didn't care too much about my outcome.
This has not been the first time. A few years ago I got to a point of frustration where I decided that enough is enough. I took the decision to get rid of all the people and things that were not making me be the best person I could. I stopped trying to fix petty problems with a girlfriend who continuously found fault with things I did that involved other people. eventually I figured that she was jealous of me having other friends. I decided to stop loving my then boyfriend who was a bit more concerned with his life and his friends than our relationship. I decided then that I needed to find something to make me happy and so the search was on for a better me. But getting to this stage then was not an easy one. I was tossed and turned and thrown and abused. At times I even succumbed to the abuse. Spent nights crying myself to bed. Became less trusting of people around me.
Through this all though I never ever felt the need to disrespect these same people who were less than nice to me. I fought through and eventually things picked up. I was back to the happy, go lucky, laughing person that I once was.
Now I'm back at that old point. Some situations new, some old. Some people old, some new. And I'm ready to cleanse again. I need to. And so my frustration lies. But don't worry I'm taking stock. Everything will be aired!!
I concede defeat. I have failed miserably on this mission. I am wounded, tired, sore. This mission is on it's last breathe, as I am. The other side has won.
Blogger: This thing has become my personal diary. I have so many unpublished posts on here. lol. Some of the things, if I published, would cause a Jihad. And with some people it's just not worth it. But blogger has kept my company on a lot of lonely nights/mornings and has never broken my heart. Well this one time I posted this long ass post and then it decided to error out. Boy was I pissed. But I got over that and it has been very good to me. Listens well, does everything I say (most of the times) and takes my abuse.
My Internet Friends: Without these people I may have already committed suicide. Now they have been my company on lonely nights and days. I think I have learned so much about these people who take the time out to check on me. We've created a bond even though it's separated by distance. They've listened to my rants, encouraged me, complimented me (I think I won best online smile! and Most likely to be married by 25! I am 29yrs old) , and assisted with my homework. When I'm up at 2am someone is cussing me to go back to bed. I have heard stories, shared stories, shared laughs, cries with these people who have a choice in chatting with me. So thanks to Herc, Anthony, Ali, Dwight, Piggylou (don't even ask), Nessa. You all help me out a lot. Thank you.
My Tobago Friends: Who have had no choice to take my tear filled collect calls at what hours of the night. lol. Who have continuously stayed encouraging me through all the bullshit, depressions, anxieties and accomplishments. Who have continued to text me at weird hours in the morning asking me if I want to go out, if I want cake, or if I see their whatyahmacallit. Who have followed orders to a tee, well some of them, and others do as normal and ignore me. I must say that I did treat them not as gratefully as I could in the past few months, actually past year that I was home, and they have continued to love and appreciate me and for that I love them even more. Well some of them, others still get on my last nerve.
My Parents: My mom who has a little bit more bad mind then I have and as such has done sooo much for me. Without my parents at this point I dunno where I would be. Actually I would still be in Tobago teaching. lol But I thank them for encouraging me to take this step with my education and for the continued support. Now to get them onto "Project Freedom" without a hassle. lol
My Kids: Who misses me more than anybody else and calls me everyday to ask me about their homework and what I'm doing. And they love the fact that I now have homework to do myself. No I don't have kids personally but I taught at a school for 4 years and have adopted over 400 kids as my own. Tiring it is. Ive had to remember these names, some of them having the same name different pronunciation. I have had to remember all these personalities. We've had our good day, bad days, really bad days and "you're about to make me loose my job" days. But I love them all.
Facebook: Or macco book. I have found some old friends on there that has allowed me to catch up greatly on their lives. My high school class has basically all come back together thanks to this site. No thanks though to the fact that it has taken up a lot of my time. I honestly think that they put some kind of chemical on the site that people fiend for.
Lyfe: 2008 personally has not been a great year for me. I've had a lot of battles and I am still continuing to. I think unnecessarily but ... Professionally aka school wise it has been GREAT. And I'm praying that the great continues so that my Masters could probably be done in Dubai. :) Regardless of the BS going on I am truly grateful. I have life, I have shelter, I have family and I have sense lol. Somethings a lot of people don't have and wish they have. I need to stop dwelling on the bad situations for so long, cause honestly it's not even worth it if the negative is taking up all my time. And that's not just the aspect of dwelling but also the aspect of them actually happening.
Thanks!!
My Internet Friends: Without these people I may have already committed suicide. Now they have been my company on lonely nights and days. I think I have learned so much about these people who take the time out to check on me. We've created a bond even though it's separated by distance. They've listened to my rants, encouraged me, complimented me (I think I won best online smile! and Most likely to be married by 25! I am 29yrs old) , and assisted with my homework. When I'm up at 2am someone is cussing me to go back to bed. I have heard stories, shared stories, shared laughs, cries with these people who have a choice in chatting with me. So thanks to Herc, Anthony, Ali, Dwight, Piggylou (don't even ask), Nessa. You all help me out a lot. Thank you.
My Tobago Friends: Who have had no choice to take my tear filled collect calls at what hours of the night. lol. Who have continuously stayed encouraging me through all the bullshit, depressions, anxieties and accomplishments. Who have continued to text me at weird hours in the morning asking me if I want to go out, if I want cake, or if I see their whatyahmacallit. Who have followed orders to a tee, well some of them, and others do as normal and ignore me. I must say that I did treat them not as gratefully as I could in the past few months, actually past year that I was home, and they have continued to love and appreciate me and for that I love them even more. Well some of them, others still get on my last nerve.
My Parents: My mom who has a little bit more bad mind then I have and as such has done sooo much for me. Without my parents at this point I dunno where I would be. Actually I would still be in Tobago teaching. lol But I thank them for encouraging me to take this step with my education and for the continued support. Now to get them onto "Project Freedom" without a hassle. lol
My Kids: Who misses me more than anybody else and calls me everyday to ask me about their homework and what I'm doing. And they love the fact that I now have homework to do myself. No I don't have kids personally but I taught at a school for 4 years and have adopted over 400 kids as my own. Tiring it is. Ive had to remember these names, some of them having the same name different pronunciation. I have had to remember all these personalities. We've had our good day, bad days, really bad days and "you're about to make me loose my job" days. But I love them all.
Facebook: Or macco book. I have found some old friends on there that has allowed me to catch up greatly on their lives. My high school class has basically all come back together thanks to this site. No thanks though to the fact that it has taken up a lot of my time. I honestly think that they put some kind of chemical on the site that people fiend for.
Lyfe: 2008 personally has not been a great year for me. I've had a lot of battles and I am still continuing to. I think unnecessarily but ... Professionally aka school wise it has been GREAT. And I'm praying that the great continues so that my Masters could probably be done in Dubai. :) Regardless of the BS going on I am truly grateful. I have life, I have shelter, I have family and I have sense lol. Somethings a lot of people don't have and wish they have. I need to stop dwelling on the bad situations for so long, cause honestly it's not even worth it if the negative is taking up all my time. And that's not just the aspect of dwelling but also the aspect of them actually happening.
Thanks!!
1st time... shame on you!
2nd time... shame on me!
3rd time.... it's going to be done!
No seriously I am tired of the bullshit!! Tired of taking the shit. So yunno what they won't be a 4th time cause the next time, the next BS is going to be IT!!!
I think that concept in life is become more and more null and void. I mean people don’t even think about that anymore. It is fast becoming a “let me get mine no matter” kind of society!! I wonder if they want to blame the government for that too!!
It’s simple yunno. You don’t like people talking about yuh behind yuh back, YET you the one up there discussing someone else’s business! Aint that the same thing? But on the other hand, folks still gonna talk yuh if you ent talking dem!! But, if you like people to be helpful to you, yuh don’t think you may need to be helpful to them too? Everybody wants to go with “An eye for an eye” concept. I don’t mind that at all. But who ever said that concept was meant for evil alone. Yuh wipe my eye, I wipe yours as punishment (or in return, for the people with the more positive outlook).
For the past while, I’ve honestly been trying to “do unto others…”, but the others been trying to bugger me with a old, rusty broom stick. (Had to edit that due to the fact that I can't get banned from blogger too... lol) And yunno what??? I don’t appreciate it!! So what now? I just don’t do or I switch to the evil eye for eye?? It’s hard though that people can’t even try to repay a good deed/favour with another one!! That the concept of continuous loyalty is no longer possible!! Sigh!!!
That was not a concept I believed in. I always think to give people a new chance yunno. Hey people make mistakes. Ok you can stop the laughter now, I can hear it. Now I don't mind you want to be a _____ but not on my watch. It's disrespectful and not appreciated from someone who has never disrespected you... till now! Since it seems like you will always be an ____ then I will now be doing whatever I want with no thoughts of how you feel. I mean, you would think by now you know what you working towards and do that. Instead I'm treated like whatever, disrespected by irregular folks and expected to just sit and grin and pretend I'm happy because I get "I love yous" and other occasional things? Well the buck stops here!! Well it not stopping I'm just going to be in the game now. Hope you have your helmet on cause I like to play rough.
I have my suspicions that you're taking me for a ride, but its okay. I'll go for that ride, I'll take in the sights and when I'm ready I'll get off. Its only then that you should worry.
Saw this and it so aptly fit in. Thanks TriniGirlBlue for writting exactly how I feel.
Saw this and it so aptly fit in. Thanks TriniGirlBlue for writting exactly how I feel.
What a week. I’m back in the old 305 well 954. My trip home was well needed, despite the circumstances. The funeral was just that typical funeral. Early up my aunt laid down the rules that they won’t be any crying until she cried. Well everybody knows I don’t follow rules to well. Most of my family members had seen the body the night before, I didn’t. So seeing him that morning was just … sigh. So I broke all rules. But anyway… now it’s time for the adjusting mode to set in. And now I’m just worried about my aunt and her adjustment from being with someone that she did almost everything with to now being alone.
So after that it was a good week. Great week! With no work and no school I was in vacation mode and with the help of Bunga, Nessa and my cousin Laci we raped it well. Lol. It has been the most fun I’ve had for a while. I still had an exam and 2 assignments to do but there’s something about doing your assignments on an island that makes it less harsh. I had a ball. Almost didn’t make it back due to one clown worker at Caribbean Airlines and the fact that only one scanner at Piarco working with 10 fights trying to leave with 100+ passengers. Drama!! But I did make it.
It’s always a good feeling when someone wants to go you with you and hang out. It’s great to go out and see old friends and just hang and have a fun time. Lol! I think Tobago is my vacation spot because being there long frustrates me.
Things to avoid while on vacation in Tobago: Drunk ex boyfriends who forget they’re married and think they in charge of you, Breakfast at Vie D’ France, Mojitos at the Shade, The Shade on a Jazz night charging $100 to $200 for entry, dumb Caribbean Airline workers who think because they checking you in you have to take bullshit from them.
Things to make sure you have while on vacation in Tobago: Good friends, good drinks, female bathrooms on both sides of a venue… lol.
Back to work now I go! Steups!!
You really know who cares about you when things happen. Some people are always there willing to stop what they're doing when a friend needs something, even for a short time to comfort them. And it's a great feeling. Yesterday was hard. I couldn't even talk to my mom. Have not yet spoken to my aunt or my cousins. But yesterday I was able, with the help of a dear special friend to get through the toughest time I remember having in a long while. I wanted to talk but I couldn't. I started to talk and it helped. The calls were reassuring. The two hours of talking helped soo much. Helped me remember my uncle in all forms. Allowed me to laugh and reminisce. Allowed me to hurt and is helping me with the move on part. I was yearning for that company yesterday and though it wasn't physical it helped me soo much.Thanks for stepping up to the plate. Thanks for making me remember that some people really care and can put aside what they have to deal with to deal with friends/loved ones.
I am so learning who are the people who are there for me. People who remember me in the good and bad times and not just in their bad times when they need support.
Tonight my lonely night was interrupted by a call at 12.30. A home friend calling to catch up. It was nice!! Lol. Some good laughs, re broad casted memories and good laughs. I haven't laughed like that in months. These days I have this fake laugh that comes from the surface. These laughs tonight came from the heart. It feels good. And it makes me wonder if I was too anxious to leave Tobago and didn't realize that the people around me were sooo good to me and that I may have been under valuing their love for me in order to over value something else. It felt good tonight to laugh and feel loved and missed. Lol!! Good times!! Special Moments. I hope I have never made my friends feel less of a friend for any reason because I truly value their friendship, their love, their appreciation and respect for me in their life.
So tonight or this morning was a good one. Good friends, good convo both on the phone and online.
About Me
- Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness
- Florida, United States
- Social misfit who just loves eating!!
My Blog List
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Love this song!7 years ago
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Voice - Smile - Dais We7 years ago
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Desain Rumah Sederhana Murah11 years ago
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And then...11 years ago
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