Since I've been back in Miami it has been much of a roller coaster ride for me. I came back here with expectations that didn't happen as I hoped it would have. It was quite a blow and is something I have been dealing with day by day since then. In all the hoopla I was very concerned about loosing who I was and becoming something or someone I surely didn't want to be. I loved who I was before and it was really hard for me to see that I seemed to be becoming something else and something I didn't like.

I was pleasantly surprised this week when I was contacted by a good friend of mine who has over the years supported me through some of my own dilemmas as I have supported them through theirs. We met while I was in college over 1oo miles away from where my mother sent me to study. Lol. And it was friends at first sight. We started a classic relationship that by miracles and some kind of pixie dust met up in Miami a few years after and having the same affiliations surprisingly with no planning from us. This is one person who I can say understands Renee and who she is and what she has to offer and respects Renee (why am I talkin about myself in the third person? lol) And I trully appreciate that from them. They got and appreciated both the good sides (the fun loving, travel loving, food, family side) and the bad sides (sick, angry, disappointed side) and I think that's what made us be friends to this level till this time.

Anyways it's funny what makes people appreciate what's in their life. You never know when things can happen that can change your life forever. Over the past few months that has been reiterated heavily in my life. I lost my Uncle earlier in the year, then a friend later and my cousin not a few weeks ago, all suddenly. In between those sessions there have also been deaths of associates, also suddenly.

Now I have never once questioned the feelings for this friendship. Outsiders easily saw that the camraderie there could not be broken. Yesterday said friend was moved to shock over an incident that as a result moved me to almost tears and a few minutes of joy. Our relationship is close to brutal, you know the ones where the third person isn't too sure if to step in to stop the war or that "they just playing"? Thats what we have. So when the conversation was started with just a plain, calm "Hi" my instant reaction was "what happen?" Then I was told about this motorcylce accident that happened. Where people were outside hanging out and this girl and her friend were trying out her new bike. The guy was attempting to show how fast it could go, all the while everybody is just chilling and watching, when they ran into a truck and both were decapitated on the spot. In less than 5 minutes it turned from a lime outside to death. Death!! Comes at some weird times. Anyway friend decided today to let me know that we never know what can happen when and they just needed me to know that they love me and appreciated everything that I have done and who I am. And didn't want it to ever happen that I never heard it from them, even though I may know it.

So by now you're probably wondering what the two have to do with each other right? This feeling of dispair I have and friend's verbal expression of love. I felt so happy hearing that yesterday because I realised that I have not lost who I was. And that I am still appreciated by the people who know who I am. That some people value me for what I'm worth. Where I was questioning if I trully had lost Renee, here was someone who still saw the Renee that I thought I had lost. And I was happy. Not soon after saying that though it was back to the same abusive behaviour that has defined our relationship for the past almost 8 years.

Reflections allow people to see the folks who are important to them. Some people need to reflect more. But it is sometimes too late when reflections take place. Take this time to tell the people you love that you love them and appreciate them and love them. Take the time because you never know when your 5 minutes might change.