Wuh is dat on yuh teet?  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Someone triggered my thoughts on my orthodontic work that seems to be taking forever for me to get over. Lol. In 2006 I was referred to an orthodontist when my dentist realised that my wisdom tooth were impacted and suggested ways to get that fixed. I opted for braces because no way were they going to break my jaw to do surgery to get my wisdom teeth down and not allow me to eat for a week. I would waste away!

So braces it was and I went to my first appointment and took my xrays and discussed the plan and I left. I left for a whole year. Lol. Till in 2008 I ran into Dr Angus who made sure to mention loudly that I was waaay overdue to start my treatment. So in July 2007, more than a year later and heading into $15,000 debt (not including dental work and occasional dental visits). MY teeth were closer than a ... I won't say, but I had really, really close teeth. Dr. Angus was in shock and how close they were. So the inital process of putting in the spacers (blue rubber bands to widen yur back teeth space) took me longer than normal. HE had to use white ones first to make space for the blue ones. That was the worse week for me. I could not eat. I could not swallow. I could not steups. Biting down was OUT of the QUESTION. When the white ones made space for the blue ones, it was another week of drinking mashed potatoes. There was even an incident when he was trying to put in the blue ones, he turned to get a blue one and when he turned back the spce in my teeth was gone!!! Pressure.

A week later my braces were on. (After 2 visits to the dentist also to extract all four of my pre molars). The first week of initial tightening of the wires always has you a bit uncomfortable. The tension is tight. But a week later for me I was back to eating everything as usual. I was given a list of things NOT to eat. That list eventually turned into the list of things I have to take my time eating. No dumplin for 2 years? Have to be mad. So here I am before putting the ceramic grills in.

My plan was braces for two years and retainers for a year. I was to visit the orthodontist every 4 weeks (so every month) for the first two years. Me, I missed sooo mnay appointments it's crazy. The first year I made about 9 appointments. I was not progressing as quickly as I wanted, which is typlical most time with the ceramics versus the metal. Then I had some miserable teeth that didn't want to budge. Into my second year I got into school and then had to relocate. I was referred to a orthodontist here. Did I mention that my whole treatment home was going to take $15,000? That's about $2377 USD. When I had my consultation with my new Dr. for the period of March to December to finish my braces period and the year of retainers I was given a bill for $2700 USD. Huh??? How is it the same price for less time? But what could I do, not finish it? So I have been extended to Decemeber 5 months longer than previously mentioned. Should I mention that I have already missed one appointment? Argghhh.

This is me recently. Can you see any difference?

I see none in the pics but looking at my teeth and knowing how some were I see what has moved.

I have an appointment on Monday which I plan to keep and I pray he don't tell me he extending my date. I not paying him more than he told me lol. I can't wait to get to retainers so that I can eat crab in peace instead of taking 3 hours to eat it slow... :)




Waste ah day!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Well I went to sleep at about 4 am. I just could NOT sleep. Sitting eyes closed staring at my eyelids. Atleast I had company until 3 am though... so the last hour or staring was my only lonely hour. But I HATE when this happens though.. it messes up my next day. And these days I have more work to do than they are hours in the day. But today I could not do anything. I tried at about 11 to start a project I stared at it for an hour not able to bring any content from my head to the front in English. I think it was there in German. Imma be crying tomorrow I know when I realise I have 2 days behind my deadline of Sunday. Sigh!

And I wanted to do something last night, but I didn't and I regret it. I think I will tomorrow though, today I'm just too drained to today. And I need my point to go across loud and clear. So a tired me is not going to get that done.

But I really tired yunno. I wasn't even excited today when my friends called from Barbados showing off that she there (and plans to do this everyday that she there) and was about to go get ready to go to a beach party. I was even too tired to talk to my mom who called earlier. So now I'm trying to decide on if to get some sleep, which would equate to me losing MORE hours, or man up and sit and try to atleast listen to some of the videos for my class. *snore* I think sleep is going to win. I even too tired to eat... and if you know me then you know how extreme that has to be. Today I had 2 slices of pizza and a smoothie that I made. Alone. *Snore*

Dunno when this insomnia is going to end... and I hate taking sleeping aids!! *snore*


Run Run Run Ruuuuun!!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

For you I was the flame,
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came,
Love is losing game

One I wish I never played,
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band,
Love is a losing hand
MOre than I could stand,
Love is a losing hand
[ Love Is A Losing Game lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

Self professed and profound
Tilter tips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a loosing hand

Tho' I battled blind,
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind,
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds,
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

- Amy Winehouse, Love is a Loosing Game

Get thee Hence Satan!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I have a cousin who you would fall on the floor with laughter with with that statement. Especially as she shouts it out at store clerks, bus drivers, or any arbitrary person that is upsetting her at the moment. The look on the person's face is a classic when the loud, stern, face nudging outburst happens. I think they're not too sure if to laugh, run or fall on their knees and start to pray. Hilarous!

I need her here right now. The devil riding my back like a jockey in a 5 million dollar bet race. Trying his best to let me loose my focus. Coming in all kind of forms and tastes to make me fall for his shit. Last weekend was trying, I REFUSE to make this week another one. So HE needs to GO. ALL forms, formations, sign, types of him, NEEDS TO GET THEE HENCE!!

I really want to get out, cause I getting tired and I can't afford to let Mr. Devil get that prize. So I need to call my cousin. She gonna have to take a flight down cause she has to do it in person. I need to see Satan's face when she does it!! Classic!!

Second time Around  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

"Don't know what you have till it's gone" has been the motto for me and relationships ALL my life.

I have been under appreciated and under treated and it's not till when I have decided enough is enough that who I really am has really kicked in. People then are now ready to step up after I'm gone. Why?

What gene is that? lol Everytime! And it's happening still years after relationships have been done. And it happened still with new ones. So I'm thinking then that I need to probably start a relationship and ride out early so that I can atleast get some respect instead of waiting to see if I will, get frustrated that I don't and ride out to have to deal with the emotionally battle of trying to do it again.

This second time around thing not working for me though. I don't have the constitution to deal with the bullshit anymore. I'm too old to be taken for granted. Plus I hate wasting time. If it not coming out right the first time, will it the second? Is there going to be?

Life eh!! Like a box of chocolates... never know what you gonna get!!

My escape through music!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

If you didn't realise by now I listen to music religiously. R&B, Soca, Hip Hop, Down south music, jazz, soul, rock... I love music. It takes me to a place of resolve, joy, piece, anger. It's my friend and my worse enemy. Without music I may have been in jail already. It calms me. Take my music away..take away my sanity!!

Well I'm apologising for just my music posts these last few. My mind is sooo mixed up with emotions, network information, test dates, life expectations, self failures, hardware information and life plans that I can't seem to be able to write. So my songs are my moods for the most part. Or just may be what I'm listenin to at the moment with all my music on shuffle just like my life seems to be shuffling.

Insomnia!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

I'm up again. Another night of not being able to sleep. Another night that will lead to a long day that I have so much work to do in. Another night that I am fighting to try to get my mind, and my emotions, to settle down so that I can get some rest. So that they can get some rest!! They need it!!

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

Could it be that I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love
'cause I've been there before and it's not enough
So nobody say it

Don't even say it
I ve got my eyes shut
Won't look, oh
No, I'm not in love

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
I'm falling love
Tell me I don't seem myself good enough for something else

Just don't say I'm falling in love
Falling in love
Just don't say I'm falling in love
Oh, yeah
Falling love ooh
Oh, oh, don't say that I'm falling in love, don't say that, oh
Just don't say that I'm falling in love, yeah
Just don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say but in the answer
'Cause I'll never give in
Oh
Falling in love
Yeah
Oh

- Corinne Bailey Rae, Trouble Sleeping

Prayer for Guidance!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I think I need to bring in some extra help.

I need some guidance here. I'm so fighting to free myself. I need to free myself. I've been praying for this but my prayers alone doesn't seem to be sending me in the right direction or the direction that I am happy and less stressed. Someone said sometime that life get's extremely difficult when a big break through is about to happen. I need that breakthrough NOW!. Oh that was the babysitter on I'm asking for some extra prayers please. To put me in a place that can make me feel like my life is going somewhere; that I'm moving in the right direction that's best for me. That I'm not being used. That I'm getting all that I deserve. Please! Right now, I am close to making decisions that can change the total direction of my life as I saw it a year and a half backor even last year.

Guidance is an understatement for what i need right now. I truly need some deliverance!!


Father in Heaven,

You made me Your child and called me to walk in the Light of Christ. Free me from darkness and keep me in the Light of Your Truth. The Light of Jesus has scattered the darkness of hatred and sin. Called to that Light, I ask for Your guidance. Form my life in Your Truth, my heart in Your Love. Through the Holy Eucharist, give me the power of Your Grace that I may walk in the Light of Jesus and serve Him faithfully.


Inside!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

I couldn't make colors match today
I don't know what else to say
except I tried and they can't say I didn't
I don't like the stuff they are feeding me
they don't like the things I say
but I don't think I need to be forgiven

But I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storm that cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

I used to be so hard to find
rage and tears filled my eyes
but now i believe I see much clearer
my clarity did not come easily
my cell was knocked into me
but now at least I know who's in the mirror

I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storms cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storms cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

ye I'm quiet inside
I am quiet

I couldn't make colors match today
I don't know what else to say

- Andy Tubman, Quiet Inside

Confession Time!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I don't know if Florida is for me. I don't know if I have meshed into this place as well as I thought I would. I feel so alone here it's crazy. I'm by myself 90% of the time. I have made no new friends and can't seem to keep up with my old ones. Everybody has their own life going on and I just seem to be on the outside trying to get in. It's not a good feeling really. I've tired to try to make things work. Thinking time would make me feel better about where I was, but going to Tobago just made the point of me not fitting in here stand out more. I can't seem to be myself here. I feel stifled. I can't do what I want to do when I want do it. I can't even go to eat unless someone offers to take me. Like right now and I'm hungry. I always have to wait on other people to offer me a chance to do something. And that is so not me. I've been in turmoil about this for a while and I know me saying this now would probably cause some more turmoil but it's time for me to let things out. I don't know how much more of a stifled me I can take. I don't laugh in Florida. I don't have fun in Florida. Florida has resigned me to just doing what I have to do and that's not Renee.

So what's next? How can I be me in this world?

P.S I have taken my medication so my emotions are under control with this post!!

All of my Energy!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,



I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much energy in him and me
Can't wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you go to me
How can two be as one
We've become to divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
How do we reverse the chemistry? (We gotta re-)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of

Only in video not on regular song---> Now I can feel a change in me
And I can't afford to slip much further
From the person I was meant to be
I'm not afraid to walk alone
Not give it up but moving on
Before it gets to deep
Cause your taking all of my energy

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy) x2
Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me
Oh
This love is taking all my energy
- Keri Hilson, Energy

No More Games!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,



[INTRO:]
Ohhh... Girl I love you
Ohhh... Aaaaaa... ohhh
It's it's it's serani
Just in case you never know
Just in case you never know oh oh
Aaaa ohhh

[CHORUS:]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

[VERSE 1:]
Weve been together 6 months now (The most perfect days)
You pushed for us to exchange vows (Baby changed my ways)
I gave my life over to you
And you turned around
After all that weve been through
I was your rebound

[HOOK:]
Girl I want you (all time)
I'll forever love you (you're mine)
I'm not mad even though I'm sad... (cause you)
Should give me one more chance

[CHORUS:]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

[VERSE 2:]
Is this the life you really want (constant delusion)
Your time with me was very Fun (there's no illusion)
But I don't know you anymore
When you walked outside that door
You left your rep yea

[HOOK:]
Girl I want you (all time)
I'll forever love you (you're mine)
I'm not mad even though I'm sad... (cause you)
Should give me one more chance

[CHORUS: x2]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

- Serani, No More Games

Drugs  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

Why am I feeling in a funk?

Oh ... I just realised I forgot to take my medication. Ive been doing pretty well so far. If I make sure and take it on time, I can keep my thoughts at bay and not write my feelings on here. I'll still have the feelings and the thoughts but I would be able to control me expressing them. If I don't... then you get a whole barrage of posts of how I really feel. Imagine I wanted to come off of it, could you imagine what my blog would look like? They would really pump up my dosage of Paxil.

But not taking medication is not going to help me in anyway. My serotonin intake cannot be helped by anything other than a list of anti depressants. So either I'm stuck being a moody girl with no medication or I am a sometimes moody girl on medication that makes her sick a lot of times. Hmm which to choose? For now with medication will have to work ( I can easily see myself getting really depressed in this place) to safe guard my life. The only time I can see me coming off of this meds is to be in a whole different place emotionally, spiritually, physically. And since I am still in school until next year my "place" won't be changing right now. But who knows what next year will bring.


It's carnival Time!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

No I'm serious. Yuh find i early nuh? But it's carnival time everywhere now. Bim carnival going on. Miami carnival coming up. Trinidad carnival coming up and technically the season has been opened with bands launching already. And I'm upset.

This will be my 2nd carnival NOT playing mas for Trinidad but my first missing it for a few years. And it hurts my heart. Yuh laughing? You have to understand I am a die hard carnival person. I lived from one carnival to the next. My mother used to start walking around with her finger in her ears from Septemebr morning because I started my carnival rants. I got everybody involved. My best friend used to have to endure the lines for registration (something he HATED but had no choice), my aunt had to endure going to drop of more money, going to Samaroos to buy stones, and sometimes going to collect mi costume on carnival Friday. Everybody had to see what costume I was going to be playing in to help with accessories. I was also the planner for my friends and families for the week. I sat down and organized where and how we going, who had to get tickets, when money had to be in by. I having a carnival tabanca and it's not even 2009 yet.

What is making matters worse is these ever so early band launches. Why they want to be showing me costumes soooo early up to break my heart? And they have all been hot costumes. Not some shitty ones to make me be happy I not playing.

If was playing this year though Spice probably would be one of my top contenders to play with. (I haven't seen my band yet, so I can say this now.) Spice has some NICE costumes. And I am not one for plenty on my costume eh. I hate headpieces and not just for carnival. I doh like nothing on mi head. But I find I leaning towards those big headpieces so far that launch. I love sexy costumes too. And Spice has had all that. I love these.


See the rest of Spice Costumes.

Evolution is another band that has launched in this early movement. And their costumes too are actually good. Though they had some mishaps last year that may have some people weary, their costumes surely will pull some followers. I'm liking this white costume and this other one which reminds me a bit of my IP costume Jewel of the Nile.



See Evolution Costumes.

Then there's Kaotic and Tribe launches tonight and there's still IP and D'Krewe, Trini Revellers, Harts, and the list goes on. Arrgghh... it's sending me crazy. And that's just Trinidad.

I'm patiently and excitedly waiting on Miami carnival and my band vibrationzz to launch. This will be my first Miami carnival for a while. Though I know it cannot compare to my trek in Port of Spain, I hope it will be a good especially since my girl of girls Etts would be coming to meet me from Canada to play mas on the road. (And hopefully a few others.. I said I was the carnival planner here). And they launch soon. So I have my own carnival excitement to experience.

As the season continues and more bands launch here's to more beautiful costumes, more excitement and less bashing this year. Ha!

I am a sucker!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

I'm a sucker for my own demise. I have this gene that allows me to always be falling back into the same experiences over and over. Or do I have the gene that makes me believe people whenever they say things to me regardless of how much times I get burned by them? What's that called? The silly gene? Lol.

No but seriously. I'm a sucker for thinking that people say they gonna do things and they don't do it. And in the end is me again suffering. And I think they figure that out too. That they can talk the sweetest game to me when the situation is sticky. Make all these "solutions" sound feasible that I fall for then we resort to the same old thing when the smoke clears. Yes I am a sucker.

I wish I could say was. I'm tired falling back. Well I don't mind if in the falling back I wasn't the only one suffering but the chips keep falling that way. And I'm sooo tired of it. (I know the masses gonna come out now and tell me get out! Lol) Arrgghhh. It's not that easy even though I wish it was!


It's 1.24 am do you know where your child is?  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Well I don't have a child but I can't tell you where my mother is. Why she out and I home?

It's kinda weird being home now. For the last past Fridays I have been out somewhere. Tonight, actually I just finished having a movie night on my fold out couch. Yea... excitement. I think I started it a bit too early though, cause right now I'm up, bored and lonely. That is when I realized that my mother is out. I made random phone calls to people and everybody is out. Steups. If I was home I would be out somewhere, probably not doing much of anything but talking crap with my friends releasing stress. Something that I think I need to do much of tonight. Or I could just get a massage and that would just be as good.

But back to my mother. She is a fowl, so it's shocking to hear that at this time she's UP and OUT. Even more shocking to know that is my father that took her out. No that's really not the more shocking part. But for my mom to be out and for it to be my dad who took her hardly happens. My father limes in the oddest most out of the way places that I can't see my mother going to willingly. I can see her now asking if there is toilet paper in the bathroom. I can see her probably having this weird look on her face that they can talk and the music is so loud. Shoot, I can see her asking the DJ if he can't play the music softer. I can see my father getting upset. So I don't think they probably went to one of his usual hangouts.

Why am I dissecting my mother's night out? Lol. Sigh. Anyway back to my usual boring shitty Friday night in the MIA.

Back to the Grind!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in , ,

I have officially decided that i HATE TO TRAVEL. I don't mind reaching to my destination but yuh see the process of flying... I HATE IT. Especially since the only direct you can get from Tobago to the US is really Caribbean Airlines, who I didn't fly with. So since I had decided to buy the ticket with American Airlines I had to fly to Trinidad before then go check in with American. Well Caribbean Airlines domestic have this way of leaving before they time. You book for a 10.50 and the flight leaving at 10.30. Yuh ass is grass if yuh late. In fact even if yuh on time yuh ass is grass cause dem early. Well I wasn't grass this time though and made it down to Trinidad early enough to be up in the line quick for American.

Well, humph. I dunno, every time I travel with AA i does cuss and say I not traveling with them again. And this time ent no different. So yuh get the point. The beast and dem decide that they must check in one person per hour..my gosh. And they soooo pleasant with it. Full smiles and nice attitudes and... Yea right. Rude and callous and ent have a flickin clue. But they check me in real quick and the police man who stop me for some shit .... look this *middle finger*.

I proceed to get something to eat now, cause you know that AA does NOT provide that anymore. Along with other things I am going to realise later. So I decide to get a sandwich from KFC. Steups... dat ent ready. What dem have ready at 11 am? Fry chicken alone!! Steups... I just take some popcorn chicken and fries stuff it in mi bag and head through security who couldn't figure out if that was really me or if the name Penze on my passport and Penze on my boarding pass was spelt the same way. Bout 10 minutes the man staring from one to the other. Oh lawd!!

Then this next police man want to look at my things. I say Mr., no disrespect eh, but ah next one down dey stop me. And askin me if I have a brother. Now you. Is wuh does make allyuh always stop me? He laugh and still tek me tings den tell me go ahead. Steups.

I take in some free internet in the waiting area and then we board. American is de dam worse. Not a blanket in site after the first 5 taken. And they have no more. No pillows either. The staff RUDE and RUDE. Their $5 sandwich small and they RUDE. Oh Lawd... good thing I slept most of the trip. And the flight was FREEZING!! But they had no blankets remember. So we reach to Miami and because AA has no good standing we kinda all the way on the end of the airport. So is walk and train and walk to get to immigration.

Now, once you know about me and you know the word immigration you should know the relationship. Well Miami International is the worse airport. Not just for the crowds and crowds of folks passing through at one time but for the dumb ass officers who probably are tired of dealing with exile people passing through. Anyway, so I know I blight and know I will have a big red flashing light over my head when I talk to the officer. Nothing new to me. Actually I walk up to the man already to tell him jsut take me inside and doh bother about the light, cause that is sooo embarrassing when the place full. But Mr. Doh Give a Rats Ass proceeds to process me and put on the light. That ent bad. He tells me to step aside because "light watchers" ent paying attention and taking too long to come get me. Steups. So I there for like 10 minutes and everybody watching me like "oh lawd, jail for she". Eventually Pedro takes me in with my documents and tells me to take a seat. I sit for 2 minutes then I hear, Renee you again!! It's my favourite officer Cumana. Now yes, it's sick. Why officers know me by name? The amount of times I have been pulled into that little room, which mind you was RAM when I went in last time, is ridiculous. Cumana tell me he fed up see me and the next time he will have to lock me up for wasting time. I inform him that is not me is Mr. Doh Give a...well yea. After 10 mins typing in the same note in there again to inform front officers NOT to pull me in and listening to a trini man nam Pakash tell dem he tekkin dem to court cause they discriminating against him because of his name, I was sent out AGAIN. But wait, I should get a lawyer too?? Anyway by the time I get downstairs my bags are already off (good thing). Now to deal with customs. Black officer or white officer? Arrgghh. White ones ask me bout rodi and iguanas, black ones just sends me to search. Arrggghh. I pick the black one today who sends me through. Thank God!!

Sigh. I tired by now. Miami International is hectic, but I reach and I reach safe. And thank God for that. So officially my holdiays are done and assignments done posted for classes for next week. Pressure!!!

Some People..  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

when you really need them for support, they're never around. Lights off nobody's there! Sometimes kind words is all that's needed.

In the blink of an eye.  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in , ,

Today I had all intentions of coming to talk about the things that I have been up to. But the wind was quickly knocked out of me at 7am this morning when I went to facebook to send a message to a friend and someone had posted on her wall R.I.P. Confused I called another friend whose phone went to voicemail so I proceeded to call another friend who very calmly and matter of factly stated that "she Dead". At that time I was pissed. Pissed that I had not contacted Carissa when I was suppose to. Pissed that this other person just matter of factly said she dead like it wasnt a loss. I proceeded to call her aunt and found out that indeed she was killed in a Freak accident last night.


It's amazing how things can change in less than a second. Finished working at her summer job, this SGU student and her boyfriend were out. He lost control of the vehicle and ran into a pole. They came out and informed family what happened and was waiting. Another car coming from the opposite direction passed and the wires from the pole were ran over and it got into contact with the couple sending male into a tree and Carissa to heaven. :(


I met Carissa when she was still a student at Bishop's High School and a member of my dance company's junior group. She would annoy the HELL out of me. Slow and unsure of her serlf and her body, she wasnt one of the best dancers but that wasn't what got me upset with her. Carissa would just allow people to do her what they want. She was a bit shy, laid back and unassuming. But she was then 15 years old. Now at 18 and fully enjoying life with her school mates in Grenada, her boyfriend and her friends here. She was excited about everything that was to pass. Had all her nights planned out for the holidays. Was working and felt like an adult. Carissa had finally found herself and was quickly taken away. No one's fault. Though her grandmother insists that she was hard of hearing and should have been heading home, doesn't mean that her life would have been speared. In fact it was initially with that first accident.


R.I.P babygirl. I am happy that you were finally enjoying life. That you found yourself. You had struggles as a kid that not every kid has had to endure and you pushed through them and became an amazing, fun loving, hardworkingm encouraging, promising young lady. And I know you are now looking down on us with that big smile.


Today is trully a sad day for those who interacted with you. A loss that has most of us in total shock. But you are in a better place. I pray for guidance and strength for your family on friends left on this earth to mourn their loss.


R.I.P Carissa James!!







My Time is UP!!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in , , ,

Today calls for this. Edible Arrangements just make me so excited. It would surely lift my mood up. That, some wine and a nice long chair in the cool. Ahhh...

I think my vacation is up. Well I doh think, it is eh. I have about 3 days to go. But besides the time being up I think people are just about ready for me to be out. Yunno that with some people you can't be around them too long. You kinda start to feel like you over staying yuh welcome. Things can function well for say, 3 weeks, then it starts being too much and everything causes something? After that people need a break from me. To regroup I guess. Get me out their system to attempt to take me back for another 3 weeks?

Well I seem to have that trait. After a few days, weeks, months the fights set in. Arguments here, comments there. It happens with everyone. Friends, Boy friends, family. I really question what it is is about me that causes it. I really do. As I was telling Nessa this morning, sometimes I really have to sit and wonder how people really see me and what I do. No matter how I try to do good, it seems to turn to sap. I seem to do something that causes a situation when all I was trying to do was do good.

Sigh. My time is up!!

I won't Let you Lie to Yourself  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

lovin' you is hard
lovin' you is wonderful
when you're holdin' back
is it so impossible
tell me why
i try
to control what's on your mind
and you should be here
(here by my side)
you shouldn't be makin' me cry
(no making me cry)
noooo

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that i'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
but i won't let you lie to yourself

you got it in your head
i was made for someone else
not you you you
it's a little late
you make all my dreams come true
tell me why
i try
to control what's on your mind
well you should be here by my side
(here by my side)
you shouldn't be makin' me cry
(no making me cry)
nooo

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that i'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
well i won't let you lie to yourself

(no need to worry)
no need to worry
(im in no hurry)
i've got all the time in the world for you baby
(cuz when you're in my arms)
when you're in my arms
you're the feelin'
i'll keep on tellin' you 'til you believin'

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that i'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
i won't let you lie to yourself

- Corrine Bailey Rae

It's That Time!!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

Yunno what sucks though...  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

I was trying so hard to let this be a light day. But...

I seem to have a problem. Lol. Sounds like addiction. It probably is. But how is it that I try to accommodate right, I let people be and do who they are, but I get into trouble for doing that. I usually get upset when someone wants me to change and stop being who I am because they don't like it. So I try to not let that happen with me and other people. Yet...

But since it seems to keep causing problems I guess I need to change that huh? I think it's easier for me to do the "normal" thing than to do things my way (Wait am I saying that I am abnormal? lol). It's less stressful it seems.

*Brain Freeze*

Hola  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

*smiles*

Whirlwind week I tell you. Emotionally and physically.

First of TSTT need two slap. This BLINK concept ent ketch on with me nah. I have a feeling they need to rename the thing STARE and I would be a little bit more understanding. The shit never works. And to say it working as fast as a blink is A LIE!! But don't think I haven't been writing. I just haven't been publishing and I not sure if I want to with some of them nah.

We're coming down to the final week for the opening night for Heritage Festival. It's tech week this week and so we are going to be out at the venue EVERY night TILL LATE. The joy. But this has been a tumultuous running session. A lot of cussing here, noises there. Me, oblivious to drama and unnecessary noise has just stepped to the side of it. Unless it deals directly with me, I not even bothering. But the consensus by the 50 plus cast is "we can't wait for Friday to come". Though I may be agreeing with that it also marks the end of my vacation.

I have to start packing soon. Hmm. Not even ready to start on that.

Today though, unlike last week Sunday where we had rehearsal from 10 am to 9pm, I have no dance at all. Yeaaa. Well no. Today of all days I would have really liked to be occupied. AND my mom has gone on a trip. Damn you woman!!! So today is going to be a "bed" day. I promised my cousin I would help her make a lasagne, I trying to see if I can duck out of that one. Not in the mood. But wait, she can't eat cheese, what kinda lasagne she really making?? I think I just found my reason... lol. I may go to the beach but going there alone on a Sunday is like a single woman going to marriage counseling, DEPRESSING. Families fill the whole beach from end to end so that is scrapped. Sigh!

So as I see it things just seem to be going downhill. I don't expect a better week. I can just feel it. Imma be all haggard and flustered and confused, and frustrated and..... *fights to not get into that mood*

So have a good Sunday folks and hoping you have a great week! Everyone!!!