"Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."Are you a forgiver? Do you forgive easily and move on, never bringing back what had happened before? Can you Forget?
I'm not. Well not 100%. I think I can forgive but I seem to have a huge problem with forgetting. Some would say though that I am not really forgiving. Forgiving is Forgetting. It has always been a problem I have struggled with. No one that has wronged me has ever asked for forgiveness, but I think over time you are suppose to forget. Alexander Pope said "To err is to human, to forgive, Divine". I seem to be missing out on Divinity.
What does not forgiving do for me? Nothing really. It makes one feel better holding on to the hurt? I read somewhere that forgiveness is an act of imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future; one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it. I seem to not be imaginative
Forgiving is a choice though. I do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. If I choose not to forgive but to hold on to my anger, resentment and sense of betrayal I choose to make my own life miserable don't I?
Are we misconceived to think that if we forgive an offense, like an affair or a rape, that we are condoning it? Are we to forgive things that we know are wrong? Does that mean once we forgive there has to be reconciliation? Does the wrong doer have to apologize before we forgive? Do they have to change their ways? Is another persons poor behaviour the primary determinant for ones healing. That means that that unkind and selfish person is going to have the upper hand. They say that forgiveness is the experience of finding peace inside and can neither be compelled nor stopped by another. Am I going to be searching for peace forever?
But I don't think healthy relationships are possible without forgiveness. If I continue to hold on to things that may happen in my relationships they may not be as rewarding as they could be. But am I ready to cut people slack who hurt me? I dunno. But right now I guess I'm going to stay unable to forgive cause I surely cannot forget.
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on Friday, March 7, 2008
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