Life Jacket Needed  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in , ,

I have tried not to make this blog a depressing, unhappy, ranting thing. And it started out sooo good. 2008 started off soooo promising for me. I was stooked (dais how you spell de people word?) about the prospects of things for this year. And I had BIG plans. Exciting plans. Life changing plans. And what happened? God alone knows. I guess he just wasn't ready for me to be all that I could be...lol. No, joining the army wasn't one of the plans.

2008 has quickly turned into another year where I feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle. Well not education wise. That seems to be the one thing that has progressed in the vain of GOOD for the year. Everything else has been poisoned. And the poison is running strong.

Emotionally I've passed the roller coaster stage. I'm on the fast paced heading to crash stage. A stage I have never been in before and something I don't like at all. Something that is not me and I will soon be trying to save my life from the crash. It comes at a weird time, since I will be moving away from my mom in a few weeks. That alone has me in some turmoil. Honestly in early January, my excitement to leave was oozing from my being. Now, apprehension has become my companion. I'm here quickly trying to save myself from a crash.

But I'm alive right and kicking. Things could be worse. I am the one to take control of what happens to ME. Me, can take so much. As 2008 continues to grow old I pray that I gain some understanding and determination to not get caught in the downhill sweep and to keep fighting to succeed educationally, mentally, spiritually. So as I keep pushing forth say a prayer for me that gives me the strength to push with all my might and to know when to stop pushing.

Have a blessed day!!!

DWENNIMMEN

"ram's horns"

symbol of humility together with strength

The ram will fight fiercely against an adversary, but it also submits humbly to slaughter, emphasizing that even the strong need to be humble.



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The Perfect Girl  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Do you think everyone wants to be Perfect? What is perfect anyway? Who measures it? Is it measured versus what the other person wants in their life. I'm not perfect in anyway and it's something I'm very happy about. Others though seem to have a slight problem with my imperfections. I guess they're Mr. Perfect (or Ms.)

In one of my many searches on the internet I came across this article courtesy WikiHow. The article had the steps on "How to be a perfect Girl".

  1. Smile. Smile naturally; do not smile too much and remember to do it genuinely. When taking pictures, do not pout or make duck lips. It does not look cute and it's a big turn off for most guys.
  2. Practice good hygiene. Looking and smelling clean is obviously an important part of your image. Make sure you take good care of your body, your hair, your teeth and your nails.
  3. Take good care of that skin. Remember to wash your face everyday with a mild soap or facial cleanser. And keep your hands off to avoid breakouts. Also, don't forget to moisturize, and NEVER go to sleep wearing makeup!
  4. Do not swear excessively. Cussing often will make others think that you're an unintelligent/immature person and would most likely ignore you. Besides, it's not very lady-like. Be nice and gentle.
  5. If you have a website, keep it simple. Do not put a lot of graphics and pictures which is another big turn off to a lot of people. Be yourself online; just because everyone writes in abbreviations doesn't mean that you have to do the same.
  6. Do not wear a lot of jewelry. One necklace and a pair of earrings are fine, but more than that is too much. Try not to get any unnecessary piercing and tattoos. Keep it simple and fashionable - don't just follow trends. When in doubt, remove a piece.
  7. Do not be someone you're not. Be yourself and don't try to copy other people's styles. Sometimes people feel the need to experiment, but some things are best left the way they are. Instead, enhance your good personality traits and let yourself shine.
  8. Study hard and go to school everyday. Everybody loves someone who knows her stuff. In the end, being successful is really important. Don't let your social life preoccupy your thoughts; work hard in class and be consistent. Value your intelligence and work your hardest. If you are having trouble in this area, don't be afraid to speak with your teacher or guidance counselor. Review what you went over in each class everyday. This will help you avoid having to cram all of the information the day before the test. If you're struggling in a specific area, hire a tutor to help you get back on track.
  9. Do not be a show-off. Show-offs makes a person be disliked and/or hated. Be proud of your accomplishments, but don't shove it in people's faces.
  10. Remember the 3 S's Protect your skin from the sun by remembering to:
    • Slip clothing on over your bathing suit when you're not in the water to block sun rays from your skin.
    • Slap on a shady hat that covers your face, neck, and ears.
    • Slop on sunscreen before going outdoors and remember to reapply every two hours.
  11. Do not be immature. Know how to handle situations maturely and reasonably. You don't need to whine or cry to get what you want
  12. Do not try too hard to be cute. It just doesn't work that way. It makes people feel sorry for you and shows them that you are not comfortable with who you are. You can put effort into your looks and behavior, but remember to let yourself enjoy moments being comfortable with yourself.
  13. Do not compare yourself. It's not fair to you or your body. While it maybe tempting, just focusing on being the most wonderful you, and don't let anyone tell you who you should be.
  14. Nourish your body. Maintain a healthy diet and only allow yourself to have junk food in moderation. Be sure to drink 8 cups (8 fl/oz= 1 cup) everyday. Also remember to take a multi-vitamin everyday to help maintain your health.
  15. Work it. You don't have to be an athlete to be fit! Doctors and experts recommend that the average girl gets at least 20 minutes of exercise 2-3 times a week. So find something you like. Join a team. What ever gets you moving and on your feet! And remember to stretch those muscles out before any activity.
  16. Get your beauty sleep. Make sure that you're getting the recommended 8-10 hours of nightly sleep. Get yourself a bedtime routine and stick to it (even on the weekends). To get your body in sleep mode if you're feeling restless, try reading a book, writing in a journal, taking a warm bath, or listening to some gentle music.
  17. Just say No. There is absolutely no reason to experiment with drugs, whether due to pressure or curiosity. Hold yourself to a higher standard or risk completely compromising your image.
  18. Don't rule the relationship. don't tell your partner what to do, this works both ways. you don't want to be known as the annoying girlfriend.

Well I have to be real perfect, I fall into all 18 steps, so why do others make me feel I fall short? Steups too bad for them yes. What does perfection get you anyway? Happiness? Imperfection brings sadness so I assume... lol.

Perfection is over rated. I'm glad with my nail breaking, braces wearing (well for the next 5 months again), not very tall, hair in a mess most of the time, looking like an average person most of the time, not always able to please everybody all the time(though it seems I can't please this one person at all) self. I'm happy with me and I'm sure I'll find somebody who will find this little Ms Imperfect Perfect. :)

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Changes.. Part 1  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Seems like this blog has become my number one companion you don't think. Lol. It loves me!! Haha. Allows me to "say" how I feel and then allows me to change what I "say" without judgment. It loves me back. It spends a lot of time with me and has listened to all my feelings. It has never gone down on me *knock on wood* I think imma marry this thing. I just have to figure out how to cuddle with it, lmao.

This post is about changes. Someone told me I changed the other day. I was in shock. I wasn't sure if it was a good change or a bad one. I was a bit nervous to ask too, but they continued and said I was more personable but I smiled less than I did before. Hmmm. Honestly I can't remember the last time I laughed. That was a bad change. I hate that I'm not as happy as I used to be. But I'm digressing.

This post is about my physical changes. I am always asked about my hair. How long have u had your dreads? And a blank expression would be on my face. Honestly I have NO idea. You see I had my hair natural most of the time then I think one day i just decided not to loose out the small plaits I had in there and it started to lock. I can't remember the year or the month. I just know that some point in my early college years I couldn't comb my hair out. I know I started school in Miami in 2000, I think. Lol. My hair was natural then and in small plaits. I would be on the bus twisting those babies over. Some days I sported chinee bumbs, some days a head wrap and some days I just didn't give a shit and sported half and half... lol. My hair went through all kind of boxes of colours.

Here's my hair pic story in as close of order as possible:







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Ode to Nessa!!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

So today I wanted to take the time out to thank a very very good friend of mine. How long have I known Nessa? We ran into each other when I started my website in 2004. She knows me sister and we have a lot of people in common but this was our encounter. Something of which I am very happy for.

Vanessa is probably the only person who talks to me for more than five minutes. lol. Well besides my mother and my sister and Justin. What do we talk about? The most arbitrary stuff. From what's bothering us today to dum shit we find on the internet. In fact she sent me that email about why some women stay single. And at the right time too from a tough week. She never has to rush off after five minutes, or has never made me know that she's rushing off. I've been rushed off for laundry, for lunch, for soccer, for sleep. I've been "later"ed for movies, for washing the car, for shows and food. Vanessa always seems to find time to talk to me. Makes me important enough to let me know that she has to rush in and out to cook AND talk to me. Oh no... one time she had a conference call and couldn't talk to me on the phone. But she has double talked to me on conference calls other times so I guess that cancels out.

She has given me soooo much support. Has helped me through so many tough decisions and tough moments. Especially in the last few months. If I have a problem I know I can count on vanessa. Not just count on her to LISTEN to me, but I can count on her NOT to judge me for my decisions. She will either agree or disagree but won't ever tell me my decision is WACK.

She respects me. A factor that I think is fast becoming lacking with the people in my life and me. She accepts me FULLY for who I am. Knows when I need space to think, knows when it's time to step in and kick me in the ass to move.

The good thing is that I think we are the same kind of people. Loving, caring, yearning for TRUE people in our lives, respectful of each other, understands that no one is perfect, hates people who judge you because of your decisions and just wants good, true loving people around them.

Nessa has become my other big sister. Before I can say "I need..." she's ready to say "how can I help". I remember I was telling her about my laptop dying the other day and before the story was done she was online searching for a laptop. Another time I was trying to buy a bag for a present for someone and it wasn't processing. Here I was showing her what I was doing, as usual, then I get an email saying "it's been ordered"!

We have shared a lot. *remembers after surgery email* lol. We have created a relationship that I don't even have with my bigger sister. A relationship that I know I won't want to jeopardize for ANYTHING. Especially as in a few weeks, I step into unknown territory on shakey ground, I will need all the support I can get.

*Wipes tears* So today is my "I love Nessa" day. Thanks for everything. Words not enough to say how much I appreciate you being in my life. Taking the time to spend time with me, even though we're miles apart. Thanks for understanding and listening without judging especially these days when other people seem to just be judging me for what I do. Thanks for supporting me with school. Thanks for sharing advice, thanks for the late night laughs. Thanks for the popcorn, rofl. Thanks for loving me unconditionally.


*waits to get the cuss!! LoL *

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Why some women stay single!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I could give you a list of reasons but that would probably take me all day to write...lol. I decided instead to show you why.





































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Yipppeee  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

It's over. Well not fully over, but no longer do I have to wake up on a Saturday morning and be sitting in a freezing ballroom from 9am to 4am listening to a lecturer. I am now fully done with the class sessions of my Event Management certificate program with Arthur Loc Jack.

Boy I tell you those sessions used to be killer. You sit and listen to a lecture all day. Then the next week you listen to the same lecturer for half the day then do a 25 question multiple choice examination. That was the worse. The dam exam never even relied on the text. The lecturers all Caribbean and the exam is American. What the hell!! But it's over. And I passed all without having to resit any like so many others.

Now it's on to my portfolio. The planning, research, design and implementation for an event. Now to find that event.

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Hmm  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Today seems to be a writing day for me huh? Post number 6 for the day?? I need to get a prize. lol. Anyway tonight was not a good one. After today was such a nice day for me. I'm quite disappointed in the way somethings are going. And anyone who knows me well knows that soon imma put up a block that NO ONE would be able to penetrate and that's where the danger lies. In my quest to keep myself busy tonight and not drown in my feelings of sorrow, despair, anger, hurt, disappointment and I was blog roaming and ran into this quote:

Enjoy life

I just wanted to say...don't let anyone get you down, don't let anyone steal your joy. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by the negative. Life is too damn short to be wasted on inconsequential things. We all live in a pressure cooker; deadlines, traffic, irritants, bank loans, credit cards whatever, but how much time do we in fact devote to being happy, just because. Think about it and then ask yourself if it was all worth it.

- Courtesy Reflections on life from a caffeine hyped point of view


So yuh know what, everybody creates demons in my life then go out and drink and have a ball. Come home next morning and expect me to continue as normal. Well tonight I'm going out, *sheds pjs, socks and vicks smell*. I need to start enjoying!!

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Letter to....  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

Dear _____,

I wonder if you know that I'm hurt? And if you really even care? You do the dumbest things sometimes. Sometimes I think you purposefully say things to me to hurt me. Is this what emotional abuse is? Sometimes I think that you're the most selfish person I know and could not possible love another person. Love to you is making sure that the other person does nothing to hurt you. In other words, we play by your rules. By now you should know that I'm not that type of person. Well I hope you do. I love to compromise. To make adjustments for the people in my life that I love and who loves me back. I like to keep all my avenues open, once no one get's hurt in the process. I hate to be ignored. Something that I think you love to do to me. I guess it makes you feel like you're in control. I hate that you sometimes don't realize that it's two people in this relationship and that I am not out to hurt you in anyway. I hate what we've started to become. I hate that I may be starting to hate this!!!


Penze!!

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Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, I think Imma eat some worms!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I just wish that
I can go through the day
Without someone getting upset with me
Because of a decision I made for myself
That doesn't hurt them in anyway!!

I don't understand why
If I make a decision, that
Doesn't harm you and doesn't jeopardize me;
A decision that I think is best for me at the moment
Why you have to make me feel like there's something wrong with me!!!

I'm very quickly getting tired of the power games
And the over reacting
And the harsh decisions.
Getting tired of the side ways treatments.

I deserve better.
I deserve to be understood and not misconstrued
I deserve someone who will support me and my wrong decisions sometimes
I have no guarantees!!


*Big fat juicy ones, skinny inny loosey ones, I think Imma eat some worms*

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I'm feeling to Date  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

Well to go on a date. It's another Friday night and I may just be home. Or even if I go out it's just to hang. But I'm feeling to go out on a hot Date. Yunno the date where you take that long shower, and use that "special" lotion? The date where you pick out that bra and panty that makes u feel sexy under that oh so sexy dress. The date where you take an hour on your makeup just so that you can look like you took five minutes. The date that you step out of the house feeling like you're on cloud nine and u walk those sexy 6" stilettos to your car and you jump in and the driver says with a big grin, "You look niiiice!!". You know the date?

You feel sexy, attractive and all eyes are on you. Or so you think. You go to a nice place that isn't the usual Friday night eat out and all attention is focused on you and the big smile that you have, because you know you're being paid attention. You enjoy the good food, the company and the attention. You enjoy the stares, the whispers and the attention. You revel in the thought that you're wanted even though the push up bra and the low cut top might be helping. lol. I need a date!

But wait, have I ever been out on that kind of date? My gosh. Can you tell I'm in need of some dire attention? When was the last time I went out somewhere? When last someone paid me attention? Why the heck am I in pajamas at 6.19 p.m. on a Friday evening? Whyyyyyy???


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When your boyfriend watches porn....  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

Well I have been laughing all day at this. Every time I think about it I crack up. My friend calls me this morning in a rage. Her Significant Other is cheating on her. I do the "lawd men are just the worse" silence for a minute then ask her what happened. She professes that he just wasn't paying her much attention anymore. Never any compliments. He always tired. Not in the mood. Wait... i thought that was womens' excuse? Anyway, at this time I'm just waiting to do the "men just like to play" routine with her. She rambles some more then she says, "Penz yunno what is the worst thing though, he's watching porn". Huh? Rahahahahhahahahahahahhahaha!!!

Sorry I couldn't help it. I waiting to hear she got an email from a strange lady telling her Mr. SO is always at her house. I waiting to hear about the late night phone calls and he not answering them when she in the room. Him leaving the room when a call comes in. I'm waiting to hear that Mr. Man leaves her home at night and goes out comes back reaaal late and sleeps outside on the couch. That porn watching really threw me off.

But I guess that can be disheartening. She says she feels inadequate. As if Mr. SO thinks that he is not being fully satisfied and thus needs to turn to some ladies on the internet to be satisfied. And she adds, "Is not free porn yunno, he paying for it!!" Another stifling fit of laughter erupts. Sorry but I couldn't hold it in. She's like "Am I over reacting?"

I dunno. I am not a porn watcher. People watching porn and reacting amazes me. And all the time she's telling me this story I'm seeing Mr. SO jerking off to the pc. So I respond, "he's cheating on you with the PC!!" I probably would have been pissed too. I mean, why? His girlfriend is there ever willing, she says, but yet he refuses to have intercourse with her but prefers to watch big booty black girls in the internet having sex with other big booty black girls or men. I dunno.

She's upset and there's nothing I can say to get her out of the funk. I find it amusing. Imagine if it was the other way around. You think Mr. SO would be understanding? Why can't men sometimes just say things aren't going how they hoped, deal with the pain and let people go on? Why must they attempt in their folly of satisfying themselves (no pun intended) making the other person feel less than they are? If I found out that my SO was watching porn how would I react? I would probably make sure he knows that he will be watching porn for a looong time and I'll be out making my own porn in the mean time. Lol.. and I would too and I will make sure that he pays the $5 to see it online. Men, I tell you. I know whose PC I won't be using anymore.

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Steupssssssssssss  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I - don't want to - Go to work today - I 'd rather - Stay home - And play -
video games- I wanna chill
(music)
But I gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get up
(repeat 1x)
Get up

I don't want to go to work today
I'd rather stay home and play video games
I'd rather chill for real
I don't know how you feel
But sometimes I feel like I'm
Workin' for nuthin' tryin' to get sumthin'
Every where I turn there's a bill standing out
Swim the river climb the hill
Complacency you ain't gone get me no no no no

Chorus
"Cause I gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta
(Got to get up, Got to get up, Got to get up, (Jill: Gotta Gotta get up) Got to
get up)

I don't want to go to work today
I rather stay home and play video games
I rather chill for real
I don't know how you feel but sometimes I feel like I'm
Workin' for nuthin' tryin' to get sumthin'
Every where I turn there's a bill standing out
Swim the river climb the hill
Complacency you ain't gone get me no no no no

(Chorus)
'Cause I gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get up
Get up
I gotta gotta got to gotta gotta gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get up
Get up

I'd rather be in my space
I'd rather chill in my place
So I can go out and play all day I
I'd rather chill at home
I'd rather lay alone
True, but I got to work
I don't wanna go
I wanna play today
But what can I say
Bills to pay
I just can't get comfortable doing (doing) nuthin'(nuthin')

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh(Gotta get up, Gotta get up)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh(I gotta got to got to gotta gotta got to get up, I gotta gotta
get up)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh(Hey I gotta gotta get up, Get up)

Gotta gotta
I gotta get up
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get up
Get up Uhmmm

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This too shall pass!!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

As I logged in this morning from a not so sleepfull night, I was greeted by a comment from GirlBlue with my early morning Arghhh. And that comment has aptly been made the title of this post. I just decided that this would become one of our "things that happened" moments that we look back at and argue about. So I was in a much better mood. And so too was my surroundings. I started playing with this new surround sound system my mom and they bought and just happened to glance out the living room doors.

It's a beautiful day!!! So after setting up the system, I searched for a cd and popped it in.

You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me some things to think about
Ignite me, you invite me, you co-write me, you love me, you like me
You incite me to chorus, ooh
Ooh...

You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me things to think about
Invite me, you ignite me, co-write me, you love me, you like me
Incite me to chorus
La, la, la...
Da, da, da...
Do, do, do...

You're different and special
You're different and special in every way imaginable
You love me from my hair follicles to my toenails
You got me feeling like the breeze, easy and free and lovely and new
Oh when you touch me I just can't control it
When you touch me, I just can't hold it
The emotion inside of me, I can feel it

Ah...
- "He Loves Me", Jill Scott

(Gotta talk about this song later!!!)

Good day, good music. My friend called, differences were cleared up!

That too has passed!!

Have a good day folks!!!

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Arrrggghhhhh  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in


I am such an ass. I just did the dumbest thing to a very good friend of mine. I had reasons though, some may not find valid but I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. But right now at this moment I feel so horrid. Arrrghhh.... I don't know what to do now though. I can't apologize cause I'm not sorry for what I did, but I am sorry for how they probably feel right now. And I know this is not going to blow over easily, but I pray that it blows over before I leave. Sigh.

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Happy Valentines Day!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I was trying my best to just let this day pass as a normal Thursday where I get up and go to work and then go teach my class later in the evening. In the process of my day I avoid all the lovey dovey antics that may be surrounding me. But what I want isn't always what I get.

My sister calls me lastnight about a situation that I had to take care of early this morning, so my normal plans of going to work at 7.30am changed. Not bad. Then I fell asleep early. Huh? That hardly happens, so I should have known something was happening. Then my friend calls me at some hour and I didn't cuss him. I have to be sick.

This morning bright an early my phone rings and in the midst of trying to figure out what time it is and trying to not sound like I was sleeping I say a nice "hello". Then I get "Happy Valentines". Then I realize the voice of my ex....steups. I respond thanks and same to you and ask him if he woke his wife up and gave her her wishes yet? No response. How much time I tell this boy to stop acting like he own me...anyway it got me up and smiling. Lol. Atleast I still have an effect. I didnt' really want any V day greetings, but I would have preferred it, or even the first one for my day, to come from someone, but so life goes.

In a good mood though, and some other Vday greetings later I go take care of that business my sister informed me about. And BOOOOOOOOOY am I glad she sent me in. I just realized I found some money. Not a little bit of pesh... but a good set that puts me in a good way ahead of me and going to school next month. *Does a dance* This Vday thing looking up!!!

Then I realize that I had a class early and I had already missed it and that was it for the day, sooooo I have decided to take the day at home and catch up on some business at home. *Big Grin* So yunno I'm having a goood day!!!

So Happy Valentines to all the folks passing through here today. I hope you get some extra love from the people you love. Today I'm wishing is Vday everyday!!!


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My Euology  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

You ever though about who would read your eulogy? With the increase of fatal accidents on our road ways these days, you never know when will be your end. In fact you just never know.

I would want the person to be my mirror. Someone who would be able to, for that last moment, showcase Renee as she need to be. Someone who would be able to convey my moments of joy, success, disappointments, fears as if they were still taking place.

I have two people in mind. These two people I think know me all too well. They have been apart of my greatest and lowest moments. Actually sometimes have cause some of these same moments.

My sister is one choice. She knows how I’m going to feel before something happens. She understands why my reactions are such and has never made me regret anything I’ve done. Her support has been never ending for everything. I wanted to cut my hair, she was all ready. I wanted to become a professional dancer, she was all ready. In fact, she was ready for me to do things I wasn’t even ready for. She understands that when I’m upset about something I’m allowed to be. And gives me the space to get over it. She can best showcase me as the happy go lucky, ever trusting of my friends, dependent on my friends and loved ones, always hungry, ready to prove my point till I die, happy to plan, afraid of disappointment, Hennessey and redbull lover, always want to try that food, cynical and sarcastic person that I am.

The other person. My very very good friend for the past 12 years. He is the friend that will be my matron of honour if my sister was not around. My Gosh!!! This has been a roller coaster relationship. One that we have gotten muck flack for. Nobody believes that a guy and a girl can be friends, make it worse great friends for more than 10 years. We have fallen out more times than I can count. Some of them so bad that for months we didn’t talk. We have taken abuse, name calling and the ignoring all in stride. Regardless of what we both know that if it comes down to the wire that we going to be there. With him I know I can close my eyes and walk. I may get injured but I won’t die, lol. Over the past two years our relationship has gone through some strenuous weight and has held strong. He has seen me at my happiest, at my lowest and been abused at my prissiest, but he understands. Our relationship means a lot. He can best showcase me as the leader (or boss as he calls it), quick to anger slow to calm, carnival freak, making decisions/plans then informing my friends about their new plans, cussing my friends then asking questions after, hate to argue about the serious things with my people I love, high IQ having, hating the front light, hating people to know about me, always want a snack as payment for something, willing to accommodate, hate to be woken up, love to spend time with my friends, get frustrated person that I am.

Hmmm, seems like they both will have to do my eulogy. That’s if I don’t kill them first!!!

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Gift Getting!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I love to get gifts. Who doesn't right? Today a friend got me a gift. No it's not my birthday. I didn't celebrate anything in fact. It was a "just because gift". And to me that's the best kind. Not that I don't enjoy the birthday, Christmas, valentine's day, anniversary gift. Coming to think about it though, I only get gifts at Christmas, anyway I going off topic here.

But the best gift is a gift that someone thinks about you and buys. I hate people giving me money and saying "here, go buy yuhself something". Ok... I lie. Lol. I don't mind you doing that but I prefer a gift that someone has taken the time to think about what they think I would like and they go out and get it. Nervous with anticipation about my reaction, they come just as excited as I am when they present it to me saying "I got you a gift". I love opening/unwraping/taking out the present and being in full joy. 80% of that joy is that they thought about ME and who I am and that I was special enough in their life for them to get me something and the other 20% is that they hit ME on the head and got me the Puuurefect Gift. Oh Joy!!!

Finding that Puuuurefect Gift for me isn't that hard either. I'm not hard to please and I fall into many categories. I love electronics, I love books ( I read everything that has words), I love jewelry (wooden ones), and I love shoes. A vast area to fall into to get me a gift. So it's not that hard. For my birthday/Christmas I usually compile a list of the top three things I want anyways, so surprise me and pick one and get it.

That's the next major thing. The surprise part. My mother can tell you, she always has to make sure that on Christmas morning she has something for me below the tree. She can buy me 100 things before the day but you see the day, I MUST have a present to unwrap. A surprise gift is always a good thing. Again it makes you cherish the person who decided, without your pushing and nudging to get you something.

So to good friends. Who know when a present is needed to lift your mood. To good friends who really pay attention to the people who care about them. To good friends who are willing to take the time out of their schedule for others. THANKS!!!!


P.S Yes I know I didn't mention what I got....Does it really matter??

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My Granny  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

I have always been jealous of people who grew up with their grandmothers being a heavy influence in their lives. A place of refuge when the going gets tough. A hiding ground. My grandmother and I didn't have that type of relationship. Why? I'm not sure. It's not just me, but none of my sisters have had it either.

Location can be one of the main factors. Since I was born my grandmother has been living in Laventille. Paris Boulevard to be exact. Now from all the reviews we know that it isn't the safest of areas in my country. But that shouldn't stop a grandmother and child relationship. Don't get me wrong, we spent time with our Trini grandparents. I was the terror in the relationship though. Not one to conform we butted heads a lot. Infact I think her pressure was the highest when I was around.You see visiting Laventille wasn't exactly fun times. We were rid of the ability to have our own normal space. No proper water. No mommy in the kitchen. Just my granny whose quick words would scare you into a corner. Yea right.

I would always remember that bathroom. No light, one pipe so that means no hot water. At 6 yrs hot water was God to me. So yunno who don't want to bathe? Man, my uncle would put the water on for me and I would just stand by the door for a good five minutes. Enough time to fake a bade. That was until my granny decided to check in on me one time. No choice but to bade!!

Another time we (my sisters and I) decided that we had to eat out some portugals. Usually, at home we would dispose of these outside since at home we had a lot of greeneries that made compost heaps. In this concrete jungle called "Lavantee" aint no greenery. So instead of smartly throwing them into a bag we decided to litter the yard. (Well the "we" part I think should be dealt with the older ones... I was the last.) And when I say LITTER I mean LITTER. Well I think my Granny had an aneurysm that day. On the hot scorching galvanize we had to go out there and pick up every skin of portugal that was thrown out. With a litany of cussing and boofing we worked a CEPEP program.

Yet another time she was visiting in Tobago and bat flew into my room. I was attending High School at the time and she insisted that I should just go take it up and throw it outside. And I insisted (as a typical teenager who thinks their Grandmothers is two inches short of a straight jacket) that I was not going into that room until the next day. My lady grab me and take me into the room, pick up the bat and assisted me in getting it outside. And this stage she had to be Mother Lakshmi because she had me in a grip, the bat in a grip AND was pushing me to hold the bat while she was opening the window.

And another thing was my grandfather (who for most of my life spent his time "sick" because of his relationship with alcohol) and his marble in a bottle collection. Well oh gosh. I used to want to have a ball with that and my grandmother used to want to ball me up when I was done with it. Marbles used to be everywhere but back in the bottle. I cannot tell you how much stones I put on that bottle just to make back the amount.

So due to these and other instances our relationship was a bit strained. Sometimes I would go to Trinidad and bounce her up in town and it would be like long lost friends and not grandmother and child. Other times we wouldn't have spoken to each other in months to years. My father never pushed it. My mother never pushed it until not too long ago.

So after more than 8 years I was back at Paris Boulevard to visit my dear grandmother. The steps was the same. The gate was the same. Walking into the house was the same. I even peeped in the room looking for my granddad. There were two differences. One was my uncle who is a pan maker had over 300 pans all over the place. Some done, half way done, in the process of done. Lol And my grandmother had no idea who I was.

You see she now has Alzheimer's. I have to keep reminding her that "I'm the last one" (dunno if that is a good memory or not). She looks at me like it's the first time in her life she's seeing the face. She keeps reminding me that I'm so pretty. It's sad. I want her to remember all the trouble I gave. I want her to remember all the bawl I bawl at the top of the steps when my parents were leaving to go. I want her to remember the bat, the marbles, the portugal. I want her to remember me in the bathroom. I want her to remember my Dad!!! She remembers my uncle. He has been living there all his life. She remembers to cuss him everyday that he "ent good for nuttin". I wish she could remember to cuss my dad too. I wish I had had a little more time

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Random Run In  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in ,

I have started just going around reading random blogs. I actually find a blog I like and just look at the blogs that they read and so forth and so forth. Well today I happened on "Alien in the Caribbean" and found a quite interesting read in the News Years Wish post. This paragraph actually jumped out at me a bit.


One of the most effective tips I can give is that if you want someone in your life then MAKE ROOM FOR SOMEONE. Stop acting and living like a single person. Stop sleeping in the middle of your bed. Clear out your closet and make some space for a guy’s (or gal’s and you’ll probably need a whole new closet if it’s a gal, heh heh) things. Stop hanging around people who reinforce your single-life. If you start making space for a partner that partner will appear. Take romantic placebo the same way I suggested you do with wealth. Act as if! We all know the theory of: When you are single, nobody interested in you. As soon as you hook up, suddenly everyone interested! People start coming out of the woodwork. They after you and after your man (or woman). There is a reason why people who already have partners suddenly become more attractive to everyone else-Law of Attraction. If you love and are getting loved in return, you project an aura of lovability and everyone wants to love you! So don’t wait to have a man (or woman) to act the part of someone who is just over the moon in love, contented; experiencing joy and regular orgasms. Act as if now! Get high on life, laugh often, revel in your friendships; buy a vibrator. Do what you must to have that love glow! In addition to attracting your mate, it will make you feel happy now instead of lonely. It will take the edge off and pressure off of yourself to “hook up” when you live like you are already hooked up. In fact, your new love will come into your life so naturally, you will only notice after your first night together, “But eh eh, this was real serendipitous for true!”
I think this is soo true. Acting like you single, especially if you are in a relationship is not going to to anything positive for your relationship either. I hope some people keep that in mind.

If you have time you can read the whole post.

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10 Random things about me!!  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness

1. I went to college on a tennis scholarship. Anybody who knew me between the ages of 4 and 21 would believe this in a heartbeat. Anyone who recently met me don't even believe the half. Lol. At 28 the only exercise I do is carnival Monday and Tuesday. I don't walk anywhere. Don't even like walking up the steps. lol. (Would you believe that I have been dancing continuously since the age of 3?? )

2. I am afraid of people. Yes this is just a mask. No really I think I am wary of me dealing with people. Some people just dam crass and rude for no reason. Yes I am not smiley and giggly and hate to waste time with trivialities but that doh mean I not pleasant. But I am afraid of dealing with rude people and then I have to get rude.

3. I am as honest as they come. I think lying takes up too much time and energy. 99% of the time I tell you as it is. It's either I like or I don't like. I agree or I don't. I care or I don't. And I'll let you know. I may admit that I do lack tact but hey I cyar get everything. The other 1% of the time I ent even taking you on.

4. I am addicted to my pc. Yes ADDICTED. Ask my mother. My laptop sleeps next to me on my bed. I roll over on a morning. Take it out of hibernation, grab ny Daily Word and bible. By the time I'm done reading my wirelss has connected and I can see what I missed while asleep. That also explains why I have like 4 blogs, a website, helping with another website. Good choice for me to be going into computer forensics ent??

5. I love to eat. And thank god my metabolism has not caught up with me.... yet. I have been at this weight since I was 25. I have gotten broader but not heavier. I eat atleast 4 times a day. I mean food. I cannot count how much snacks I go through. I don't eat breakfast though. I start eating at about 9.30 when I get to work. So late breakfast, snack, lunch, snack at work. I get home on a evening and get a snack, then dinner. Then a snack. By 9 I looking for something to eat again. At 2am I am sometimes in the kitchen cooking. Ha!!!! I love food.

6. I cannot write with a blue ink pen. I would search and search and search to find a black ink pen. Something about blue ink just annoys me. I blame that on my high school Lit teacher who insisted that we must write everything in black ink.

7. I am a thinker. I analyze stuff. I make a decision though and it's most times final. I think things through for a while then act. If you piss me off it's going to take days before I say anything to you. Because I have to think it out because when I make a decision about something there's no turning back.

8. I cannot wear flat shoes for more than 3 hours. In fact I cannot wear closed toe shoes for more than an hour. My gosh. I start to feel like my feet are in a prison. I get all antsy and uncomfortable. And flat shoes gives me cramps.

9. I am ready for something new and challenging in my life. And it's coming. School starts for me in a few weeks. And it will be a break in the monotony in the cycle of work that I have been doing. But I hope that it last a while, the excitment because....

10. I get bored easily. I get tired of things real fast. People too. Especially people who don't challenge. I've gotten tired of relationships because people want to do the same old thing all the time. We've broken up because "I am bored". I'm about to give my website away because I'm bored of it. I've covered the things on there already. I've gotten bored of work so I'm about to step away from that for a while. Let's see what else I may get bored of and just leave it!!!

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Death by...  

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in

any means is sad, shocking, devastating. This week seems to have been plagued by deaths. Deaths happen everyday, I agree, but these occurrences for the week has had some kinda link. This rounds it seems that Mr Death has decided to come into my circle. Previously I had started to write about the different deaths that happened for the week but they seemed to be coming fast and furious. It actually threw me into a whirlwind of whys and howcomes.

There will never be answers to all the questions. Or responses with reasons. So with this I say:

R.I.P to Joandra. We tried to fight it. You gave it your all. R.I.P mama. And we know you in heaven with God making plans to attend Jazz Fest, find a lime here, encorage and angel there and play with the table tassles.

R.I.P to "Real Estate Man". How he get that name is a story yes!! I know I cuss yuh for parking in the middle of the road, but dais how I am.

R.I.P to Dj Lallo. Really a nice man. We happened to run into each other at an event he was doing and was such a mellow fellow. I hope your kids continue with the same gusto and passion you had.

R.I.P to Rosha. It's amazing how you can make plans for yourself and you not even in control. Leaves home to head to the beach and ends up in the hospital. Next step...death.

Enjoy life eh folks. Yuh never know when it's going to be taken away.

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