2009 Approaches ...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Well today is the last day of 2008. A year that really tried to beat the life out of me. And is still trying to up to this last day. I was looking forward very much to the end of this year. Not only because I was ready to get rid of the end of 08 but because I would be spending it at home in Tobago. But as usual I don't ever get things to work out as I wanted.

I have this psychic power that I need to tap into more at times cause I surely saw this coming since Sunday. I tried so much not to fall into the hole that started to open then, but I guess regardless of how u try, what's destined for you happens.

So the New Year is quickly approaching and I had hoped to ring it in happy, with the people that have helped me through 2008 in a positive light. It won't be so. Lol. What can I say, I can't control everything can I? And me trying to resolve things usually end up in me creating more unnecessary happenings.

Here's to everyone having a Prosperous New Year. I pray that things good will be in abundance for all. It seems like even my 2009 will be a totally different year than I expected, but I have to roll with the punches.

Have a good one!!

How Stupid of Me!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

How stupid of me to think that I could get through the rest of 2008 quietly and happy. I have no idea why dumb thoughts get into my head and fool me into believing them. Obviously I have a serious problem.

Steups!!!

Countdown Time

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Create your countdown widget and more at Blixy.com!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

It's been so hard these days to come on here and write something. Writting anything in fact has become hard for me. I start then i stop, and that's it. I've become a blender in the past couple months. Like an iguana just fitting into my surroundings. Along with a heavy bout of Laziness, i've put my thoughts and emotions on the back burner and just waiting for the year to end.

Everybody in every form and every point knows that I have ALL intentions of making 2009 my year. A year for a lot of ME things happeneing. And I'm really really excited about it. So I plan to just breeze through the rest of 2008. What, we have 6 more weeks? 7? I already have big plans to ring in 2009 God's willing.

My posting is therefore not going to improve in the next coming weeks. Finals are coming up also so it will be even more hectic. So thanks for still checking in on me folks. But look out for more things for 2009. And I hope you are having a some good days in all the mellee that is life.

Single Sisters

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

Yunno that new song by Beyonce that makes single sisters want to shout out the hook line "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it"? Here's the better version:

I hate Florida...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

for the simple fact that I don't get to do anything I would like to do. Steups. Yunno how long I want to go take a drive down to south beach. In fact I was giving the sweet talk that I was gonna get that opportunity when I returned in July but as usual Penze does get push in the back corner.

What I really hate about it is that things are going on that I would like to do. Not even partying. Miami fashion week was last week and I would have loved to be down there. But, who I was going with and how was I going? Steups. I dunno how I'm suppose to just sit here and watch everyone aound me do their thing and I suppose to be happy about it.

My time soon come though. Somebody will wanna do things with me SOON!! :-)

I have a feeling

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

somethings are not going to go as planned anymore.

Steups

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I am so disappointed in myself tonight it's not funny. I ended back up in a place tonight I promised myself a few months ago that I will never go back. I know how I ended back there tonight and I'm upset that I let it go there. I tried really hard to let it ease by, but I have this stupid gene that thinks I can talk things through with people and they would actually listen to what I'm saying and try to understand.

I know that it was heading into this from early. A few months back I decided to hold my emotions. It surely doesn't make sense to me to get upset about things anymore. When it came down to the long run, the only person that was upset and bothered was me. Everyone else carried on with their joyful lives as usual while I was there sitting sad and worried about how everyone else was feeling. I also decided to just adjust to things. Whatever people throw at me I'll switch to suit. If they want to throw acid in my eye ok, they just better cover theirs. It has come down to a "If you can't beat them, join em". If people choose to treat me a certain way, I'm going to do the same. If you could do this then I can too. And this was working great for me.. until tonight.

I really tried to take it and continue, but you surely know that when something is not in your nature you can't really fake it. Im upset though and I hope this doesn't set me back into the ranges that I have been in for the past few months cause I can't go back there. I've worked too hard to get out of that funk to fall back into it so quickly. Where is 2009???

Miami Carnival 2k8

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Carnival, Lyfe

So Miami Carnival was a few weeks ago. I am still recovering. You would swear that I partied every night for all six nights eh. Lol. I'm not that much of a fete person really for carnival. I like the fetes yes but my main thing, my excitement, the ultimate experience for me is PARADE. So my excitement was to get on the road on Sunday and have a time.

But things weren't looming bright for me or us as the days were getting closer. I played with Vibrationzz in Oshun. And up to Saturday night no oshun costume was out for distribution. Having some proper breasts, I was concerned about how my bra was going to fit and with this dilema concerned that I had no time to get reinforcements. We got our costumes on Sunday morning. Preshha. And it was down to some serious doctoring. I hate real plenty things on my costume. I am a naked girl. I don't like things to scratch me, tickle me, get in my way. NOTHING. So with scissors in hand we adjusted bra, belt, panty... lol. We proper became last minute seamstresses. After the doing up and stuff we headed down to Miami to Jam on the road. A few delays and we eventually got with our band to have a time. Words cannot describe. This was a much needed release. MUCH NEEDED.

A good time was had on the road and here are the pics to show it..

Bring it on!!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I am so excited for December to get here. 2008 has been my Murphy Law year. What can go wrong has. It really has been some emotionally filled months to the highest level and I'm ready for it to be over with and heading into a hopefully better year of 2009. 2009 I have a loooot of plans that I want to accomplish or put into motion. 2008 has changed me a lot. I look at things much differently. My expectations have changed, my goals have adjusted. Who I am has changed a lot. And though negative things have had to be experienced for the changes, I'm glad for the changes. Don't get me wrong, who I am hasn't really changed. I refuse to change how I am just because it has prbably caused me some pain. I love how I am. But I have had to adjust how I am to some people to save my own sanity and survive. Some people just don't deserve the full me.

2008 has been a "show yuh colours" year. I've truly seen what people are really made up of. If someone offered me to do over 2008 to get somethings changed, I wouldn't do it though. I'm quite happy that I gained this knowledge about the people I can count on in my life, how they feel about me, and feel about other people. Lol.

So I have some more weeks of school before we get into December. And you can't tell how excited I am for that. How my blood rushes just thinking about it..lol. I pray everyday that '09 is an improvement for me with so many things. I honestly think that it can't get any worse emotionally and I pray it doesn't physically. But lord knows I'm ready for '09. Graduation and all and who knows where the wind is going to blow me after that. I hope it is to a happy place.

Im Baaaaccckkk

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Hey, it's been some weeks. Since I left for my trip to Maryland, which was great by the way, and came back to Florida in the middle of Miami carnival hype and school I have not had the time nor energy to get here. But finally I can.

Maryland was gorgeous, in the day. lol After 7pm I was in the house. If you don't know me you don't know that I abhor cold. I'm the girl in the mall in a jacket because it's too cold. I'm the one asking to turn down the AC in the car because I'm freezing. So you can imagine my behaviour when it went to 50 degrees in the night. I made sure I was inside and had NO intentions of moving, though we made plans a few times to head out...lol. It never happened. DC/Maryland in Fall is the most beautiful thing, and though Florida has its own bush nothing looks like this.

It was quite a refreshing trip that got me away from my normal life for just a few days but definitely reminded me that there is more out there than where I was. And it definitely gave me some ideas for my future.

I came back from Maryland into carnival and that was pure excitement. My very good friend met me for the weekend and we had a ball. I was wishing today was a recap. Good friends, good times as usual. Nothing can beat that. I'll do a full recap of that with pics soon lol.

In the midst of all the fun fun fun, there was still the dooming issues. Sigh. There's a saying that a leopard can't change its stripes and I'm surely seeing that. People can try to do things differently or pretend to but after a while they always go back to what they do.

I don't want this to be a looong welcome back post...lol. And SO much things have happened in teh past week and few days that I have to sort them out before I can make others understand lol. But I'm back and I have some catching up to do both blogging and reading wise....

Off with my Head!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Jeez it's been a while hasn't it? School had been so busy for its last week. I had exams, assignments and assignments. Steups. I was so tired and excited that last week. Then I realised that they shortened our time off to one week steups. But I still had master plans in the works so I was excited.

The excitement has been short lived though. Shadowed by me being sick. I've had a headache since Tuesday. Today is what? I don't have normal headaches. My head hurts, I'm nauseous. Noise, smell intensifies. No it's not a migraine. Been there done that. My migraines disappear after a day of heavy medication and sleep. These other headaches, takes DAYS to go. I can't eat because nothing stays down. I wasted a whole meal of Olive Garden yesterday watching it swirl down the toilet after my date with the bowl. AGAIN!! I'm hungry and I can't eat. I've taken 3 days straight of pain killers which has started to affect my stomach. I've had 6 bottles of ginger ale, a box of ginger tea and 100 prayers for God to take my head but leave my brains. I'm heading on a little vacation and all the excitement is overshadowed by the fact that this nagging headache is STILL here and NOT easing up. I can't take anymore medication. I will be overdosing so I just have to sit here and continue through day four and hope that this eases up and try to enjoy things as much as I can.

And I am leaving everything behind. This trip is to be a refresh me time. No phone, no lappy (dies). So have a good weekend folks, and a good next week. I come back in full flow of things when i return. School starts back and Miami carnival. Yea me!! I pray that this headache goes with a change of location. With my luck I'll be back headless!!

Uh Hmm

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I have so much to say, I don't even know how to say it or where to start. But I need to get things out. Someway, somehow to someone sometime. Sigh

But I'm looking forward to this week since it is my last week of school for a bit. BIT = 2 weeks. And by all records all my hard work is going to pay off and keep my GPA PERFECT *crosses fingers*. And I plan to celebrate this weekend in some form. I also need to get some mace. or pepper spray...lol... a girl alone needs protection from weirdos at wee hours in the morning, even if they professing love. lol!

The past weekend was eventful for the most part. Friday being quite an opener for me and has lead me to rethink how I do a lot of things. Lyfe eh, it just throws you curve balls over and over. Just as you ready to settle down to something comfortable, something comes and punches a hole in your theory.

Yeaaa

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

So I've found a subscription service that seems to be working well. So if you're still interested in subscribing you can do that over 'yaso ---->. Just enter your email and BINGO!!!

Grabs Dress and Runs up to Podium

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Yeaaaa me... I got an award!!! The author of my laugh for the day blog: Scene presented me with a nice little thingie. You seeing it over there? All shiny. It's a Brilliant WebLog Award!! And it made me smile!! THANK YOU SCENE!!

Now I have to nominate 7 other blogs I think need to get this award (in no specific order):
1. She Reads and Writes
2. Laughing Gull
3. Trini Angie
4. Tears Dry on their own *wink*
5. Cranky Putz

I could only do five since my other 2 for my list Ranting and Ramblings and Wuzdescene already got awards!! Yeaaa!!

I just threw up in my mouth!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Funnies, Lyfe

Why do men do all they can to get with a woman; wine her and dine her. Then when they "get" her they forget all those things and treat the woman like leftovers, AND want to get upset when she starts to go to someone who wants to wine her and dine her?

Anyway I came to tell a story. So I happened to have to go to CVS for something. I AM a CVS and Walgreens junkie though. I can spend hours in those places. It relaxes me. But this story isn't about CVS and my habits.

A few days back Scene spoke about men and dey nastiness, then GirlBlue talk about women and dey nastiness. We wasn't too sure who was nastier: Women or de Men. But I feel I have the winner here.

As I mentioned I went to CVS the other night and parked the truck on the side in a spot that was in the light and in a clear space. It was almost 10 pm and is me one, I parking safe especially since I did not see any police around. I went into CVS spent my time then headed out. By the time I was out and heading to my vehicle, there was another vehicle parked face in (facing the main road too). And the vehicle was like bouncing a little. My thoughts were ok, music must be nice. I get to my van, open the door and jump up to sit. Habit I guess, made me look over. Well it would be down in this case because the van was taller than the car.

What do I see but Mr. Man and his hand and his PENIS having a party in his car. EWWWW!! I mean, real hot, sweaty party too eh. Like they both were inebriated. Mr man ent even realise I pass by and open mi door, party was too much for him. I pump mi starter, thank god I backed in , and pulled out.

I driving up the road so fast I coudda get a ticket. If the police had pulled me over I was telling them exactly what happened. But Mr. Mexican real good. You think he was in a desperate situation and just had to pull over? But why pull into a space that has a car already next to it when the rest of the parking lot was empty? Why face the road? Was he watching someone specific? Police usually at that CVS, where the hell they was tonight? Suppose Mr. Man had seen me and decided he wanted me to join the party? All kind of ideas pop up in my head.

So who really nastier though? You think a woman going to feel the urge and pull over by a CVS and have a party with her vagina? Doh kill me here!!!!!!!!!!

Clues that your partner is cheating.

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Relationships

On my break today from doing my bin load of work I found this in my email. Lol. I'm not even sure how it got there. I bolded the ones I found quite hilarious AND the ones I think may be tell tale signs. Sex has been alternated for my safety...Lmao.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy. This one made me spit out my juice!!!

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID. And text hmmm

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home. LMFAO!!!!

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed. Why???

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later. ROFL!!!

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

Apparently this was a list compiled by a well used extramarital affair counselor. Why do I find this list funny I don't know...

Subscribers

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I know I have a few people who subscribe to the blog getting emails whenever I update. I'll be stopping that for a bit until I find one that works properly and doesn't send updates more than once. So for a few days you may have to actually visit the blog if you want to know what's going on. Sorrryyy!!

Your Reputation

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Rev Run

Thursday September 11th 2008

Good Morning,

Your reputation is very important! Whether you know it or not...YOU ARE A BRAND!!! .... Protect your name ... There's a reason why you reach for Heinz ketchup and other great products or brands ... QUALITY AND REPUTATION ... YOUR REPUTATION is worth more than money or position ... Your reputation is what produces continuous blessings ...(Remember this) ... The scripture says ... A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold... -Proverbs 22 and verse 1 .

God Is Love

Rev Run

Pleasure and Pain

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

112's album 112 is an old favourite of mine that I dug up a few weeks ago. This album is an emptiome of my life right now. My wants, my needs, my hopes, fantasies. And probably what I'll never get if I continue the way things are now lol. Listening to these songs makes me realise (though it's only in song) that some people do think of life and love like I do. And makes me think even more if I am suppose to give up what I want and how I want my life and the type of experiences I want to have just to be able to survive. Or do I go searching for my expectations? I understand that some things may be far fetched or out of my reach of happening but why must all of it be just dreams? Why must I be the one to not experience these things? Some people get to live how they want don't they? And I'm not even talking about material things. I don't think I can loose being the over caring, adventurous, loving, passionate girl that I am and I can't see me being me if I do.

Anyhoo... here's one of my songs for you!!

You always said you loved me
Though my mind's right now not sure
You've always been there for me
Though my heart never feels secure
Why can't you take a further step
To let me know you really care
Cuz now I'm feeling driven
Into a love that's not right there

[Chorus:]
Why do you make me feel this way
Feeling betrayed, feeling pushed away
Why do you make me feel so bad
Feeling so hurt, feeling so sad
What have I done to make you turn
I'm feeling so lost, I'm feeling so burned
If you really cared you'd make a change
So I could feel the pleasure and not the pain

After all I've said
You still have it set in your head
That you don't really care about me
Why can't you seem to believe
That I'm the only one for you
I gave all my love to you
And after all I've done for you
You never say that you love me
The way that I love you

[Chorus]

I feel all the pain, hurt so bad, feel so sad
It hurts so bad, it hurts so bad
I just can't take no more baby
make a change
So I can feel the pleasure and not the pain

- Pleasure And Pain, 112

Yippee

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, School

After all the studying and stressing, and people ignoring me on msn because they want me to study. After all the good luck texts, and prayers and wishes and hugs and kisses. To turn around to get smiles and words of congratulations, and hugs and kisses and a freaking A+ in the hardest exam we had in Sys Admin to date. I'm ecstatic. I was sooo stressed out before that my friends had to calm me down on my way to the exam. Yesterday didn't even start out good and I was worried. But I kicked myself in the ass to get up and atleast work on this. Besides everything else that is going on around me, I was not going to let school get to that level.

Seeing the grade, hearing the congrats even from my teacher who thought everyone was going to get a C. Watching those bitches cheat like there was no tomorrow and the still didn't pass. Twas a good night last night. Well till he decided to keep us there after a two hour exam to go through more dam chapters. 1 more huge exam to go and I'll be able to run a windows server 2k3 environment. Did I mention they just introduced Windows Server 2008??? Uggghhhh

She Devils

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Boy women are some EVIL creatures I tell you. They have the will power of lions when you see they want to do something especially if it's something devious. It's because of females I am weary of online communities. I've had some incidents on myspace, where females starting acting out. I have been banned from that site, unbanned then I decided to just leave. Less drama for me. Plus with the introduction of facebook where most of my friends were, I was happy. Tom could kiss it.

But like my facebook has become blighted too. I made sure and set up my facebook so that only people I know can see me and have the option of adding. If I don't know you or if we aren't friends then you get ignored. I didn't join crackbook to make friends, I was there to reconnect. Anyways, it was easy when it was just limited to schools. Now that it's open to everyone the crazies have come out.

In the past two weeks I have had a plethora of friend requests who have gotten a plethora of "Who are you?" messages. I give them the benefit of he doubt because I know my memory is shoddy and they may be able to make my limited profile list. I've gotten responses, non responses and rude responses. One memorable response was from a girl who's name sounded familiar but I was unsure. I sent the customary message and her response was "You were ahead of me in school, but we don't talk". Ignored. The other experience is what has me writting this today.

A young lady sends me a request. We have NO friends in common, her name is NOT familiar, neither is her face. So I send my generic message., to which her response is: "Are you So by So's girlfriend?" Ah gosh... here we go again. My response, cause I so dam fass,"No I am not". She responds and our little convo continues, because I fass and like to see how things go,..lol

She Devil: Oh. I saw you in some pics with So by So on myspace and I heard you were his girlfriend.
Me: I am in pics with a lot of people
SD: Ok. Well I thought you were his girl friend so I wanted to let you know that So by So and I are hanging out.
Me: (This chick is HILARIOUS). Ok well I'm extremely happy for you guys. But why you wanted to add me anyway if I was So by So girlfriend.
SD: Just so that I could see what you look like.
Me: Rofl... you well fass. Ok... Sorry try another chick in his pics and see if that's his gf.

I tell you. I have some kind of gene that attracts the weirdos. How she get my name though? I wonder if she searched Myspace first. I have no intention of getting banned from facebook too. Lol. They'll have my picture up on the internet soon saying "Cannot register".

I waiting on So by So though. My friends can't ban me. TRUST ME!! The truth always set people free. Lol. I must give chick her props though.

Good Love

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

This song was playing on my way home this morning.... and is stuck in my head. I got up with it still singing out. My oldest sister thought she was Anita Baker. She was I guess, but without the voice.

Ah, many days it goes unspoken
But this desire never seems to go away
It's gonna take much more than hope to bring you close
I think I'll pray

I hear you say you've got a lot to give up
And there is so much more this heart of mine can take
If what you have to bring to me is positive you send it right away
Right away

[Chorus I:]
I want to know what good love feels like
Good love, good love
I want a love that's sure to stand the test of time
I want to know what good love feels like
Good love, good love
Morning, noon and night, forever all my life
Good love, good love
Good love, good love
There is a void that stands between us
And it seems it's getting harder to relate
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine
Life this way

[Chorus II:]
I want to know what good love feels like
Good love, good love
I want a love that's sure to stand the test of time
I want to know what good love feels like
Good love, good love
Hear me when I say, bring it to me baby

Babe, you're the man I hear you say you are
I don't understand why loving me is so hard
Never have I felt the need to be this close
Words cannot say, heaven only knows

- Anita Baker, Good Love.

Funny though. *Goes off humming*

Thank you!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Friendz, Lyfe

There are instances where you really know the people who are in your life. The ones that step up, sometimes in place of the people who suppose to step in. Those that regardless of what make sure that they step correct. Without some of those people I may not be writing this message this morning. I'm surely appreciative of my friends this morning for stepping up when I truly needed it. Life is a weird thing yes. So this song is dedicated to today and for going into a new week.

And I have decided that I am doing the extra effort to take care of myself. Everybody else has been doing it, what's wrong with me. I start today.

Have a great day folks!

Today I realized...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Relationships

That as time passes by
Every minute makes a difference.
A difference with what I want to do, what I want to be and who I am
Time defines my future.

You look back at what you thought would be you in the future
And realize that it isn't who you have become.

Today I realized,
After all the smoke clears,
That the explosion has cleared away a few people from around me.
And the people left are the ones who would always be there to protect me.

You look back at who you thought would be in the future
And realize that it isn't who you thought would be there.

Today I realized
That with all the love I have
I loved someone who does not love me back the same, and probably never will

You look back at what you thought you had in the future
And you realize that it isn't what you thought you would have now.

Today I realized
That someone loves me with all their heart out there
And would continue to love me for who I am forever.

You look back at who you thought you had in your future
And you realize that it isn't who you thought would be there.

Today I realized
That I have to live my days by the minute
And not by future plans.

I look back at what I thought and who I thought would be in my life
And I realize that what and who I thought would be there is not there at ALL!

Movie List

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I have a growing list of movies I want to see. I hardly get to see things that I want to. I'm still waiting got see Sex And The City, can you imagine? I either have to wait for it to come on to TV or decide to go to the movies by myself. Something I may really start doing during the day since I'm missing out on movies I want to see just because I have no company.

LakeView Terrace has a cast including Samuel L Jackson, Patrick Wilson (one white guy who I thnk is black) and Kerry Washington. In this movie, an LAPD officer named Abel Turner (Jackson) tries his best to get the interracial couple (Wilson and Washington) out of his neighbourhood. Wilson is a one man neighbourhood patrol and his antics and actions towards the couple forces them to fight back. That one comes out on the 19th of September.

A Family that Preys Together is the newest Tyler Perry movie. The cast includes CKathy Bates, Sanaa Lathan, Tyler Perry and a few others. The tagline for this movie is "The inner workings of two families--one upper-crust and the other working class--that become inextricably linked by scandal." So it's not a Madea movie but seems to still be looking at family, relationships and values. The movie takes two friends whose lives have been thrown into turmoil because of their kids extramarital affairs, unethical business practices and paternity secret. This one is out the 12 of September.

There is one other movie set to be out in September also that I am interested in seeing. It's bit of a mystery, drama movie where a couple seems to be controled by some person they don't know. It reminds me of the Phone Booth done a few years back. Still seems interesting though. I didn't get to catch the name.

What kills me...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

are the days when I'm lonely. It really sucks. I try to spread my work out so that I'm as busy as possible so that my mind doesn't realise I'm alone. Some days it works, other days, like today it doesn't. I talk to my mom about 10 times a day, because she knows I'm lonely and she tries to fill that void, but it doesn't always work, like today. What sucks is that she knows when it's not working, and it makes her so sad. Which gets me even more depressed.

Hopefully this weekend brings some activity into my life. Haven't had any thing fun done since I left Tobago in July. Pathetic huh? I almost got a 60% discount to stay at a five star hotel but hindsight warned me that I would be better off not taking that offer right now. But I'm looking forward to this weekend, I hope I don't get disappointed. But at this stage, I would expect that to happen to me. I'm in DOOM Stage right now anyway. Something good happens to me right now I'll be in shock.

Music

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

So I decided to spend a few mins on youtube this morning just searching for things to laugh at. You won't believe the jokes that is on that dam website. Some people have no shame. Or I should say some people rather brave. Anyway I happened to see someone doing a dedication to their dead cat which led me to some 112 videos. I *heart* this group. They sooo need to come back and show Day26 what a boy band is.... Some MUSAIC!!!!

And it just happend to be this song

Tattoo!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

This weekend would have been the ideal time for me to get my tattoo. I needed it. It would be the ideal thing at the ideal time for me...

It's an andikra tribe symbol of Rams horns. A symbol of humility together with strength. The ram will fight fiercely against an adversary, but it also submits humbly to slaughter, emphasizing that even the strong need to be humble.

Fitting don't?

End and Beginning

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, School

So one of my classes end today. It was a good one. Very hectic and up to this point I have an A in the class. This last week's project and discussion took me a while to get to though. I think I will loose points off of my 50 points for discussion for telling another classmate to mind his own business he's not my teacher. This won't be the first time, but they are SO annoying. I cannot stand students who think they know everything because they have experience. Ugghh. And you encounter a lot of those types with my online class since a lot of them are army people who have worked their military field. And we know that the US Army is top of the line with technology.

The individual assignment I was not feeling though. Out of the 125 marks I just need 100 to keep my grade an A. So I hope he does that especially since I added a nice little note to me paper. Lmao! Well that does not take into mind me loosing marks AGAIN for having a none related discussion on the discussion board. Sigh.

A new class starts for me tonight too. And I hate it. Mind you the class has not really started yet. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE to talk. I am an observer and I could write 10 pages of BS for a paper if you want. When you want me to talk is another story. So with that in mind I thought taking a Speech class online would be "I tricked them" moment for me. Ha!! I should have known better with a school that as a feature to check papers against all papers submitted to schools all over the world for plagirism. So this Speech class really has me talking online to my class to present a paper. UGH. I HATE to talk. I talk quickly. My mind moves faster than my mouth and my mouth has to catch up and having braces gives me an additional lisp. And yunno you sound like a goon when using a mic. 3 strikes I'm out!!! Steups....

So from tomorrow I start to work on my speech!

Yesterday...to... Today

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Yesterday was a scary day for me.
I stepped out on a limb that has surely thrown my world into 360 degree change.
Yesterday I seemed to have super powers, and was strong and got through the day strong and determined.
Yesterday....

Today...
Is a whole different story.
Today
I am starting from ground zero. GROUND ZERO.
All boxed up, digging, searching, finding, looking, seeking
Today.. I fight!!
I fight the hurt, the tears, the lost dreams.

So as not to get too drawn into my world of doom, fear, and ache I started a new blog for that.
Something I hope that helps me through this rough period in my life day by day
And keep Lyfe for everything else (I hope other things happen cause things might be a bit slow on this side for a while).

Decisions, Decisions

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

So I have four weeks to decide if I am going to return home to TnT and finish my degree online. It's amazing how things happen that can change your life and which direction it's heading to. I have a lot of options to weight out for this decision. Is this best for school experience? Am I going to be better emotionally to continue dealing with school here? But time is ticking and I have to come to some conclusion soon so that I can start to get things in motion if I do decide it's back to Bago for me.

Lord put a hand!!

Damaged

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

Do, Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do, Do you know how to patch up a wound?
Tell me,
Are-are-are-are you?
Are you patient,
Understanding?
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I

I've tried every remedy
And nothing seems to work for me

Baby, (baby)
This situation’s driving me crazy
And I really wanna be your lady
But. I am so

Damaged, damaged
Damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged, damaged
So damaged (so damaged)

So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(Baby, I gotta know)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(What you are gonna do, baby?)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(Baby, I gotta know)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(What you are gonna do?)

Do, Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do, Do you know how to patch up a wound?
Tell me,
Are-are-are-are you?
Are you patient,
Understanding?
'Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I

You try to gain my trust
Talking is not enough
Actions speak louder than words
You gotta show me something
My heart is missing some pieces
I need this puzzle put together again

Can you fix my h-e-a-r-t?
Cause it d-a-m-a-g-e-d?
Can you fix my h-e-a-r-t?

Tell me are you up for the challenge
Cause my heart is

Damaged, damaged
Damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged, damaged
So damaged (so damaged)

Damaged, damaged
damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged, damaged
So Damaged (so damaged)

So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?

My heart is
Damaged,
Damaged,
Damaged

My heart is
Damaged,
Damaged,
Damaged

My heart is
Damaged,
Damaged,
Damaged

My heart is
Damaged,
Damaged,
Damaged

My heart is
Damaged

Refix!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music, Relationships

Mi man go out as him like, come in as him like
Chat pon phone, wid gal all night
Inna mi sight, yuh know dat nuh right
A when mi a talk, a mi him waan fight
True mi nah bite, a gal a get bright
Walk pass true I would a get hype
She seh mi man waan a gal fi give har sitten tight
But when him come seh a mi a Mrs. Right

Mi tell him seh him dun and him a send threat
(Yo pack up yuh clothes and leff)
Mi fraid then I see di bwoy a watch every move weh mi mek
(Mek a run when di eye dem shut)
Black-er di first man mi see hard fi leff
(Yo, him have so much gal a still a fret)
Him nuh care yuh nuh see di bwoy waan come bruk off mi neck
(Sista dem deh bwoy dat yuh nah pet)
Him have woman here, woman there, woman everywhere
Have gal a call mi pon mi phone and mi yard
And a gwaan like him don't care
Him have woman here, woman there, woman everywhere
Have gal a call mi pon mi phone and mi yard
But no disrespect right here
How mi a go get ova him (Tek a next man)
How mi a stop fret ova him (Tek a next man)
Right now yuh know mi stress ova him (Tek a next man)
Bwoy next problem dat mon (Tek a next man)

Grrrr

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I am so freaking upset. Is so upset Im not even close to tears. I'm passed that. I'm like a blasted battered spouse that dunno when shit JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! I'm more pissed at me than anything else. WTF Renee!!! Figure it out already!!!

See what happens when I take my medication late. I start thinking straight!!! I swear my intelligence for books and knowledge cancels out any sense I have with everything else that I need to think about!! I seem to have NO SENSE!!

Is it Fair...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

... to give up what I WANT for what I'm getting?

-- to let someone give up on their dreams to fulfill my own?

... to give up my dreams so that someone else can fulfill theirs?

... that I keep crying for actions that I don't do?

-- that I keep getting the same actions that make me cry?

... for me to work so hard on something and for someone to just break it down or don't even try to work on it too?

... to not work and try to get all the dreams you have?

... is it fair to live your life the way someone else wants to?

... for me to give up what I want my life to be like?

Reflections!!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Death, Family, Friendz, Lyfe, Relationships

Since I've been back in Miami it has been much of a roller coaster ride for me. I came back here with expectations that didn't happen as I hoped it would have. It was quite a blow and is something I have been dealing with day by day since then. In all the hoopla I was very concerned about loosing who I was and becoming something or someone I surely didn't want to be. I loved who I was before and it was really hard for me to see that I seemed to be becoming something else and something I didn't like.

I was pleasantly surprised this week when I was contacted by a good friend of mine who has over the years supported me through some of my own dilemmas as I have supported them through theirs. We met while I was in college over 1oo miles away from where my mother sent me to study. Lol. And it was friends at first sight. We started a classic relationship that by miracles and some kind of pixie dust met up in Miami a few years after and having the same affiliations surprisingly with no planning from us. This is one person who I can say understands Renee and who she is and what she has to offer and respects Renee (why am I talkin about myself in the third person? lol) And I trully appreciate that from them. They got and appreciated both the good sides (the fun loving, travel loving, food, family side) and the bad sides (sick, angry, disappointed side) and I think that's what made us be friends to this level till this time.

Anyways it's funny what makes people appreciate what's in their life. You never know when things can happen that can change your life forever. Over the past few months that has been reiterated heavily in my life. I lost my Uncle earlier in the year, then a friend later and my cousin not a few weeks ago, all suddenly. In between those sessions there have also been deaths of associates, also suddenly.

Now I have never once questioned the feelings for this friendship. Outsiders easily saw that the camraderie there could not be broken. Yesterday said friend was moved to shock over an incident that as a result moved me to almost tears and a few minutes of joy. Our relationship is close to brutal, you know the ones where the third person isn't too sure if to step in to stop the war or that "they just playing"? Thats what we have. So when the conversation was started with just a plain, calm "Hi" my instant reaction was "what happen?" Then I was told about this motorcylce accident that happened. Where people were outside hanging out and this girl and her friend were trying out her new bike. The guy was attempting to show how fast it could go, all the while everybody is just chilling and watching, when they ran into a truck and both were decapitated on the spot. In less than 5 minutes it turned from a lime outside to death. Death!! Comes at some weird times. Anyway friend decided today to let me know that we never know what can happen when and they just needed me to know that they love me and appreciated everything that I have done and who I am. And didn't want it to ever happen that I never heard it from them, even though I may know it.

So by now you're probably wondering what the two have to do with each other right? This feeling of dispair I have and friend's verbal expression of love. I felt so happy hearing that yesterday because I realised that I have not lost who I was. And that I am still appreciated by the people who know who I am. That some people value me for what I'm worth. Where I was questioning if I trully had lost Renee, here was someone who still saw the Renee that I thought I had lost. And I was happy. Not soon after saying that though it was back to the same abusive behaviour that has defined our relationship for the past almost 8 years.

Reflections allow people to see the folks who are important to them. Some people need to reflect more. But it is sometimes too late when reflections take place. Take this time to tell the people you love that you love them and appreciate them and love them. Take the time because you never know when your 5 minutes might change.

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Sometimes it would be nice to have somebody to really sit and talk to who won't want to take apart and criticize what you're saying but listen to what you're feeling in what you're saying. Just someone to sit and talk about how you're feeling today. Sometimes, it would be nice!!

Lyfe!!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

When people pull out this album from the mix yunno it's time for some soul searching....

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Hook:
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me
(Repeat)

- Lauryn Hill, Ex Factor

Steups

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Today... is just not cutting it.

Im Hungry!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I can't wait to have my own place so that I can have dinner parties. I keep seeing myself at my aunt's house in Plymouth, on the hill with about 8 friends, talking and eating. You should figure out by now that i LOVE to eat and I like to cook. But I don't like to cook "normal" things. Ask me to make some rice and peas and it will take me 3 hours to get up and do it. Ask me to make some duck in peanut sauce and I'm all hyped to go. I think I will be a chef in my next life and work at a top resort in the Caribbean. I would be famous for cooking GREAT meals and eating them in no time... lol. An avid fan of Iron Chef and Rachel Ray, I hope one day to be able to cook as easy as them.

Thinking about Me!!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Relationships

I just wish that on mornings I can wake up sure of me and my relationships. Or could that just be hearing "I'm thinking about you" ringing out at a specific time each morning while I AM asleep. I wish I could wake up on the morning and not question where I'm going but just revel in the joy that I am here. But it doesn't happen like that. There's always little things that makes me question what level I'm at and where things are heading. Do you ever get there or are things always trying to get there?

I have decided to take it half day by half day. So I'm up fighting the good fight for another half day.

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

- Howie Day, Collide

It's not that hard is it?

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Relationships

I think I am one of the easiest people to get along with for the most part. I am not openly friendly to strangers. I'm also actually much of an introvert. It takes a while for me to get comfortable with people to be able to communicate with them as plain ole me, but the process of the before and after is not that hard.

All the people who I get along GREAT with know me for who I am and what I stand for. I have a few rules that are basic to follow that builds my relationships with people. It's so simple that it seems that it's hard for some people to follow.

Respect me! This one is the KILLER. And seems to be the HARDEST one for people to pass. I don't get it. It's as simple as don't do things to me that you would not like me to do to you. Is that hard? But yet, people continue to just treat me with scant disrespect. I wouldn't mind it if I didn't make a concerted effort to show everyone around me respect, and not just because I want it back but I think people deserve it. And when you treat people a certain way it tells them they mean something to you.

Don't be fake with me. You see those folks who think they have to portray something else; someone who they're not to me, we not going to get along. People always assume that some people are only impressed by the "great" things they can do, or could have done, or have done, or a cousin who can have it done. I really don't care that your cousin is the top security guard at Zen and could slip you in. I am not impressed. It doesn't really count to me that your phone can tell you where to find the new Feragammo shirt. I don't care. I am not impressed that you say you can give me the world and you can't even use a dictionary. What impresses me? That my laptop can actually understand my handwritting.

Liars, stand back! I have this thing of saying, for the most part how I feel about things. I may not always say it, but I won't lie about it. And sometimes the lies not even good. Some people forget they lied about something 3 months ago, or they lie sloppy because they didnt take the time to think out all the avenues. I have the memory of an elephant for everything but my school work and my bank account information. I just sit and laugh at people who think they're lies passed the test. I don't ever call people out on their stuff.

Three simple areas. Actually sometimes the last two can become so secondary. The first one is soo improtant to me and that really tells me what I mean to people. And the people who I get along GREAT with are the ones who stand for the same thing and they show me all the respect that I show to them.

Nothing can beat:...

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

* Sitting and having drinks and laughs with the girls

* Heading up Charlotte Street on Carnival Tuesday in costume

* Carnival Monday

* Hearing someone say they "Miss you"

* The smell of a man just out of the shower: Clean!!

* Eating some curry

* Being loved.

* Shopping for shoes.

* Closing a chapter in your life because it's not working and knowing you're going to start a new one.

*Seeing someone and seeing their happiness to see you in their eyes :)

* Getting a late night call from a good friend

* Having good friends

* Cuddling in a thunderstorm.

BitterSweet Week

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Material Things, School

This week has been crazy hectic. I can't seem to have enough time to just sleep. I go to bed tired every night. If I could tell you what I was doing I would be lying.

Hi Jaden! That story of "meeting" a little boy by that name is for another time. It's quite interesting though.

Remember the laptop dramas of being on hold? Well the next day I got a survey from HP, and I gave them the WORST rating possible. ALL zeroes. So someone calls me all apologetic and the final word is "We will replace your computer with an upgraded one". Good news, good news. Cause I was about to go postal on the next HP Rep when I called in AGAIN. I am now getting a tx 2500 instead of a replacement tx 1000. Upgraded memory, hard drive, OS. I just pray that there is no problems when I get it. That would surely prove that I am blight with computers.

This week I also had 2 quizzes and a project to hand in. I did one quiz on Sunday morning and passed with full marks. On Monday I did the other quiz and saw an F. WTF!! I almost passed out! (Please remember less than 60% is an F.) I was devastated. Though I know it was only worth 1 point that F on my screen was heart wrenching. So being the fass chile that I am, I quickly emailed my professor about the grade, who, with no hesitation from my nice email explaining nicely and desparately why I had such an atrocious grade, reset the quiz. I eventually got a C. Which still sucked. So i went to class on Tuesday all ready to plead my case again. He decided that the lowest grade for quizes will be thrown out. Lol.

My mom also came in this week to spend two weeks with us. Fun!! Atleast I have company for a little while. But I have to entertain her, get ready for an examination, do 3 quizzes and 2 projects. It's going to be HECTIC!!

Plus my sister made me take pictures for her carnival band. Steups. They see no reason why I don't like to do these things. Lol. Sometimes I think I come over as anorexic to them, but it's just being open to criticism that bothers me. So they know not to ask me to be in no costume for no band launch. It is not going to happen. But seeing the costume has really excited me for carnival, and Ettie coming and Nessa coming down. Carnival will be my prize for the end of my quarter.

The week is done. And Im quite glad it's been hectic for the most part keeping me busy and my mind off of things that would depress me. And I get ready to start another week of madness.

Added to all these things I could not chew. On Monday I went to the orthodontist and have started my final rounds of closing all spaces. Talk about pressure. He used a 1 inch rubber band to close a 5 inch space. Today is the first day I can chew on somethings, even eggs were too hard. Drinking was a task to make sure my teeth don't knock together. If and when they did, there was a paralyzing shock for 10 minutes that would blind me. Sigh... but atleast they're easing up and I have another 3 weeks before I have to go back and tighten these bad boys again!!

Dese dam Help Desks

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Material Things

So my laptop has been cursed. Or is it me? I have had a problem with ALL computers I have had in my life. ALL. From Dell to Toshiba to HP. All. If is not one thing is the next. So I have this HP Pavillion called Chinyere. I got this laptop in March end. I had an initial problem with the CMOS and had to send it in for them to change the battery that controls that. I got it back and it would not turn on. I had to send it back. When it returned to me the technician forgot to re install the bluetooth. I got it back on Monday night and Tuesday morning after 2 hours of use it shuts down for itself. WTF!! I REFUSE to send this back to HP. Anyway, after it happened every few hours till now I decided to call them AGAIN.

I was hesitant to call in to HP for more than one reason. The main reason being how upset I was about the laptop. It has been really frustrating since I have to have one for school and have not been able to use it there since I got it. It has been quite a hamper to me doing school work. The next reason is that these dam companies have outsourced their help to INDIA. KNowing how pissed I am and knowing that these help desk employees (HPE) cannot tell the difference betweeon 8 and A, I know I would get even more angry and have to cuss and it would frustrate me even more when they ask me to spell it. Sigh. But I called because me staring at the computer shutting down while I wrote my 2nd page paper and not being able to save my work was quite frustrating.

I called today at 1.43 pm. Went through the process of selecting where I would be directed. Took me about 2 mins. So at 1.45pm I was in my section but on hold. At 2.15pm my call was picked up. I had to spell my name 10 times, give my serial number 15 times, give my email address (which is my name) 13 times. At 2.30pm We started the process of attempting to flash the hard drive. Oops... the laptop shuts down. 'What do you mean its off ma'am?" Ah remember the reason I said I called was because it shuts down unannounced? "Oh yea. Can you turn it back on?" Ah No... remember I told you when it shuts down it has to wait a bit before it turns back on. "Oh Yea". At 2.40 I turn the lappy back on and we go through the process again. Actually she started explaining again to me from the top, which would have made it shut down again, but I informed her I remembered what she said initially and I'm there now. We download the file to flash the drive, it goes through it's process the lappy restarts and "Oh, I think I made you download the wrong file" GTFOH!!! No seriously. What you really telling me? Steups. So we had to start over with another file.

That's done pc restarts and I look at the time 3.43pm. 2 Hours to download and install a flash file. Steups... It better not shut down again. I told her if it I was NOT sending my shit back to HP to fix. They would be coming to my dam house. I hope she got shit spelt right!!

Sigh!!!

Wuh is dat on yuh teet?

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Someone triggered my thoughts on my orthodontic work that seems to be taking forever for me to get over. Lol. In 2006 I was referred to an orthodontist when my dentist realised that my wisdom tooth were impacted and suggested ways to get that fixed. I opted for braces because no way were they going to break my jaw to do surgery to get my wisdom teeth down and not allow me to eat for a week. I would waste away!

So braces it was and I went to my first appointment and took my xrays and discussed the plan and I left. I left for a whole year. Lol. Till in 2008 I ran into Dr Angus who made sure to mention loudly that I was waaay overdue to start my treatment. So in July 2007, more than a year later and heading into $15,000 debt (not including dental work and occasional dental visits). MY teeth were closer than a ... I won't say, but I had really, really close teeth. Dr. Angus was in shock and how close they were. So the inital process of putting in the spacers (blue rubber bands to widen yur back teeth space) took me longer than normal. HE had to use white ones first to make space for the blue ones. That was the worse week for me. I could not eat. I could not swallow. I could not steups. Biting down was OUT of the QUESTION. When the white ones made space for the blue ones, it was another week of drinking mashed potatoes. There was even an incident when he was trying to put in the blue ones, he turned to get a blue one and when he turned back the spce in my teeth was gone!!! Pressure.

A week later my braces were on. (After 2 visits to the dentist also to extract all four of my pre molars). The first week of initial tightening of the wires always has you a bit uncomfortable. The tension is tight. But a week later for me I was back to eating everything as usual. I was given a list of things NOT to eat. That list eventually turned into the list of things I have to take my time eating. No dumplin for 2 years? Have to be mad. So here I am before putting the ceramic grills in.

My plan was braces for two years and retainers for a year. I was to visit the orthodontist every 4 weeks (so every month) for the first two years. Me, I missed sooo

mnay appointments it's crazy. The first year I made about 9 appointments. I was not progressing as quickly as I wanted, which is typlical most time with the ceramics versus the metal. Then I had some miserable teeth that didn't want to budge. Into my second year I got into school and then had to relocate. I was referred to a orthodontist here. Did I mention that my whole treatment home was going to take $15,000? That's about $2377 USD. When I had my consultation with my new Dr. for the period of March to December to finish my braces period and the year of retainers I was given a bill for $2700 USD. Huh??? How is it the same price for less time? But what could I do, not finish it? So I have been extended to Decemeber 5 months longer than previously mentioned. Should I mention that I have already missed one appointment? Argghhh.

This is me recently. Can you see any difference?

I see none in the pics but looking at my teeth and knowing how some were I see what has moved.

I have an appointment on Monday which I plan to keep and I pray he don't tell me he extending my date. I not paying him more than he told me lol. I can't wait to get to retainers so that I can eat crab in peace instead of taking 3 hours to eat it slow... :)

Waste ah day!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

Well I went to sleep at about 4 am. I just could NOT sleep. Sitting eyes closed staring at my eyelids. Atleast I had company until 3 am though... so the last hour or staring was my only lonely hour. But I HATE when this happens though.. it messes up my next day. And these days I have more work to do than they are hours in the day. But today I could not do anything. I tried at about 11 to start a project I stared at it for an hour not able to bring any content from my head to the front in English. I think it was there in German. Imma be crying tomorrow I know when I realise I have 2 days behind my deadline of Sunday. Sigh!

And I wanted to do something last night, but I didn't and I regret it. I think I will tomorrow though, today I'm just too drained to today. And I need my point to go across loud and clear. So a tired me is not going to get that done.

But I really tired yunno. I wasn't even excited today when my friends called from Barbados showing off that she there (and plans to do this everyday that she there) and was about to go get ready to go to a beach party. I was even too tired to talk to my mom who called earlier. So now I'm trying to decide on if to get some sleep, which would equate to me losing MORE hours, or man up and sit and try to atleast listen to some of the videos for my class. *snore* I think sleep is going to win. I even too tired to eat... and if you know me then you know how extreme that has to be. Today I had 2 slices of pizza and a smoothie that I made. Alone. *Snore*

Dunno when this insomnia is going to end... and I hate taking sleeping aids!! *snore*

Run Run Run Ruuuuun!!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

For you I was the flame,
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came,
Love is losing game

One I wish I never played,
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band,
Love is a losing hand
MOre than I could stand,
Love is a losing hand
[ Love Is A Losing Game lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

Self professed and profound
Tilter tips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a loosing hand

Tho' I battled blind,
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind,
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds,
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

- Amy Winehouse, Love is a Loosing Game

Get thee Hence Satan!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I have a cousin who you would fall on the floor with laughter with with that statement. Especially as she shouts it out at store clerks, bus drivers, or any arbitrary person that is upsetting her at the moment. The look on the person's face is a classic when the loud, stern, face nudging outburst happens. I think they're not too sure if to laugh, run or fall on their knees and start to pray. Hilarous!

I need her here right now. The devil riding my back like a jockey in a 5 million dollar bet race. Trying his best to let me loose my focus. Coming in all kind of forms and tastes to make me fall for his shit. Last weekend was trying, I REFUSE to make this week another one. So HE needs to GO. ALL forms, formations, sign, types of him, NEEDS TO GET THEE HENCE!!

I really want to get out, cause I getting tired and I can't afford to let Mr. Devil get that prize. So I need to call my cousin. She gonna have to take a flight down cause she has to do it in person. I need to see Satan's face when she does it!! Classic!!

Second time Around

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Relationships

"Don't know what you have till it's gone" has been the motto for me and relationships ALL my life.

I have been under appreciated and under treated and it's not till when I have decided enough is enough that who I really am has really kicked in. People then are now ready to step up after I'm gone. Why?

What gene is that? lol Everytime! And it's happening still years after relationships have been done. And it happened still with new ones. So I'm thinking then that I need to probably start a relationship and ride out early so that I can atleast get some respect instead of waiting to see if I will, get frustrated that I don't and ride out to have to deal with the emotionally battle of trying to do it again.

This second time around thing not working for me though. I don't have the constitution to deal with the bullshit anymore. I'm too old to be taken for granted. Plus I hate wasting time. If it not coming out right the first time, will it the second? Is there going to be?

Life eh!! Like a box of chocolates... never know what you gonna get!!

My escape through music!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

If you didn't realise by now I listen to music religiously. R&B, Soca, Hip Hop, Down south music, jazz, soul, rock... I love music. It takes me to a place of resolve, joy, piece, anger. It's my friend and my worse enemy. Without music I may have been in jail already. It calms me. Take my music away..take away my sanity!!

Well I'm apologising for just my music posts these last few. My mind is sooo mixed up with emotions, network information, test dates, life expectations, self failures, hardware information and life plans that I can't seem to be able to write. So my songs are my moods for the most part. Or just may be what I'm listenin to at the moment with all my music on shuffle just like my life seems to be shuffling.

Insomnia!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

I'm up again. Another night of not being able to sleep. Another night that will lead to a long day that I have so much work to do in. Another night that I am fighting to try to get my mind, and my emotions, to settle down so that I can get some rest. So that they can get some rest!! They need it!!

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

Could it be that I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love
'cause I've been there before and it's not enough
So nobody say it

Don't even say it
I ve got my eyes shut
Won't look, oh
No, I'm not in love

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
I'm falling love
Tell me I don't seem myself good enough for something else

Just don't say I'm falling in love
Falling in love
Just don't say I'm falling in love
Oh, yeah
Falling love ooh
Oh, oh, don't say that I'm falling in love, don't say that, oh
Just don't say that I'm falling in love, yeah
Just don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say but in the answer
'Cause I'll never give in
Oh
Falling in love
Yeah
Oh

- Corinne Bailey Rae, Trouble Sleeping

Prayer for Guidance!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I think I need to bring in some extra help.

I need some guidance here. I'm so fighting to free myself. I need to free myself. I've been praying for this but my prayers alone doesn't seem to be sending me in the right direction or the direction that I am happy and less stressed. Someone said sometime that life get's extremely difficult when a big break through is about to happen. I need that breakthrough NOW!. Oh that was the babysitter on I'm asking for some extra prayers please. To put me in a place that can make me feel like my life is going somewhere; that I'm moving in the right direction that's best for me. That I'm not being used. That I'm getting all that I deserve. Please! Right now, I am close to making decisions that can change the total direction of my life as I saw it a year and a half backor even last year.

Guidance is an understatement for what i need right now. I truly need some deliverance!!

Father in Heaven,

You made me Your child and called me to walk in the Light of Christ. Free me from darkness and keep me in the Light of Your Truth. The Light of Jesus has scattered the darkness of hatred and sin. Called to that Light, I ask for Your guidance. Form my life in Your Truth, my heart in Your Love. Through the Holy Eucharist, give me the power of Your Grace that I may walk in the Light of Jesus and serve Him faithfully.

Inside!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

I couldn't make colors match today
I don't know what else to say
except I tried and they can't say I didn't
I don't like the stuff they are feeding me
they don't like the things I say
but I don't think I need to be forgiven

But I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storm that cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

I used to be so hard to find
rage and tears filled my eyes
but now i believe I see much clearer
my clarity did not come easily
my cell was knocked into me
but now at least I know who's in the mirror

I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storms cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

I am quiet inside
though they drag me by a wire
through the storms cracks the sky
I am quiet inside

ye I'm quiet inside
I am quiet

I couldn't make colors match today
I don't know what else to say

- Andy Tubman, Quiet Inside

Confession Time!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe

I don't know if Florida is for me. I don't know if I have meshed into this place as well as I thought I would. I feel so alone here it's crazy. I'm by myself 90% of the time. I have made no new friends and can't seem to keep up with my old ones. Everybody has their own life going on and I just seem to be on the outside trying to get in. It's not a good feeling really. I've tired to try to make things work. Thinking time would make me feel better about where I was, but going to Tobago just made the point of me not fitting in here stand out more. I can't seem to be myself here. I feel stifled. I can't do what I want to do when I want do it. I can't even go to eat unless someone offers to take me. Like right now and I'm hungry. I always have to wait on other people to offer me a chance to do something. And that is so not me. I've been in turmoil about this for a while and I know me saying this now would probably cause some more turmoil but it's time for me to let things out. I don't know how much more of a stifled me I can take. I don't laugh in Florida. I don't have fun in Florida. Florida has resigned me to just doing what I have to do and that's not Renee.

So what's next? How can I be me in this world?

P.S I have taken my medication so my emotions are under control with this post!!

All of my Energy!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much energy in him and me
Can't wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you go to me
How can two be as one
We've become to divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
How do we reverse the chemistry? (We gotta re-)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of

Only in video not on regular song---> Now I can feel a change in me
And I can't afford to slip much further
From the person I was meant to be
I'm not afraid to walk alone
Not give it up but moving on
Before it gets to deep
Cause your taking all of my energy

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy) x2
Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me
Oh
This love is taking all my energy

- Keri Hilson, Energy

No More Games!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Lyfe, Music

[INTRO:]
Ohhh... Girl I love you
Ohhh... Aaaaaa... ohhh
It's it's it's serani
Just in case you never know
Just in case you never know oh oh
Aaaa ohhh

[CHORUS:]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

[VERSE 1:]
Weve been together 6 months now (The most perfect days)
You pushed for us to exchange vows (Baby changed my ways)
I gave my life over to you
And you turned around
After all that weve been through
I was your rebound

[HOOK:]
Girl I want you (all time)
I'll forever love you (you're mine)
I'm not mad even though I'm sad... (cause you)
Should give me one more chance

[CHORUS:]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

[VERSE 2:]
Is this the life you really want (constant delusion)
Your time with me was very Fun (there's no illusion)
But I don't know you anymore
When you walked outside that door
You left your rep yea

[HOOK:]
Girl I want you (all time)
I'll forever love you (you're mine)
I'm not mad even though I'm sad... (cause you)
Should give me one more chance

[CHORUS: x2]
Love you girl
Do you feel the same
I doh wanna play... gaaaames
No gaaaaames... ohhh
You're the only that can out my flame
Baby just play it straight straaaaight
No games... ohhh

- Serani, No More Games

Drugs

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Health, Lyfe

Why am I feeling in a funk?

Oh ... I just realised I forgot to take my medication. Ive been doing pretty well so far. If I make sure and take it on time, I can keep my thoughts at bay and not write my feelings on here. I'll still have the feelings and the thoughts but I would be able to control me expressing them. If I don't... then you get a whole barrage of posts of how I really feel. Imagine I wanted to come off of it, could you imagine what my blog would look like? They would really pump up my dosage of Paxil.

But not taking medication is not going to help me in anyway. My serotonin intake cannot be helped by anything other than a list of anti depressants. So either I'm stuck being a moody girl with no medication or I am a sometimes moody girl on medication that makes her sick a lot of times. Hmm which to choose? For now with medication will have to work ( I can easily see myself getting really depressed in this place) to safe guard my life. The only time I can see me coming off of this meds is to be in a whole different place emotionally, spiritually, physically. And since I am still in school until next year my "place" won't be changing right now. But who knows what next year will bring.

It's carnival Time!!

Posted by Drunk or Sober Mind yuh Bizness in Carnival, Lyfe

No I'm serious. Yuh find i early nuh? But it's carnival time everywhere now. Bim carnival going on. Miami carnival coming up. Trinidad carnival coming up and technically the season has been opened with bands launching already. And I'm upset.

This will be my 2nd carnival NOT playing mas for Trinidad but my first missing it for a few years. And it hurts my heart. Yuh laughing? You have to understand I am a die hard carnival person. I lived from one carnival to the next. My mother used to start walking around with her finger in her ears from Septemebr morning because I started my carnival rants. I got everybody involved. My best friend used to have to endure the lines for registration (something he HATED but had no choice), my aunt had to endure going to drop of more money, going to Samaroos to buy stones, and sometimes going to collect mi costume on carnival Friday. Everybody had to see what costume I was going to be playing in to help with accessories. I was also the planner for my friends and families for the week. I sat down and organized where and how we going, who had to get tickets, when money had to be in by. I having a carnival tabanca and it's not even 2009 yet.

What is making matters worse is these ever so early band launches. Why they want to be showing me costumes soooo early up to break my heart? And they have all been hot costumes. Not some shitty ones to make me be happy I not playing.

If was playing this year though Spice probably would be one of my top contenders to play with. (I haven't seen my band yet, so I can say this now.) Spice has some NICE costumes. And I am not one for plenty on my costume eh. I hate headpieces and not just for carnival. I doh like nothing on mi head. But I find I leaning towards those big headpieces so far that launch. I love sexy costumes too. And Spice has had all that. I love these.

See the rest of Spice Costumes.

Evolution is another band that has launched in this early movement. And their costumes too are actually good. Though they had some mishaps last year that may have some people weary, their costumes surely will pull some followers. I'm liking this white costume and this other one which reminds me a bit of my IP costume Jewel of the Nile.

See Evolution Costumes.

Then there's Kaotic and Tribe launches tonight and there's still IP and D'Krewe, Trini Revellers, Harts, and the list goes on. Arrgghh... it's sending me crazy. And that's just Trinidad.

I'm patiently and excitedly waiting on Miami carnival and my band vibrationzz to launch. This will be my first Miami carnival for a while. Though I know it cannot compare to my trek in Port of Spain, I hope it will be a good especially since my girl of girls Etts would be coming to meet me from Canada to play mas on the road. (And hopefully a few others.. I said I was the carnival planner here). And they launch soon. So I have my own carnival excitement to experience.

As the season continues and more bands launch here's to more beautiful costumes, more excitement and less bashing this year. Ha!